Tag Archive: Andrew Cuomo

Divine Advice For Andrew Cuomo 2

Dear DA, I don’t want to be President anymore. I don’t even want to be Governor anymore. As the Governor of NY, I’m one of the only Governors anyone has ever heard of. Many people in the smaller states don’t even know who their Governor is. I actually had people calling me from Nashville, demanding that I find whoever blew up that RV and hang him. (All gender and racial equality aside, it was definitely a white guy. It always is.) One of them said that as Chancellor, it was my duty to personally hunt this maniac down and bring him to justice. I can’t help feeling that most Americans have a fundamentally flawed concept of how our government is supposed to work. Trump is, to put it diplomatically, unreliable, and while Joe will be better, the guy is 100 years old. You ever live in NY? The city? I…
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Divine Advice For Andrew Cuomo

Dear DA, It’s been brought up before and no one took it seriously, but it’s time for NY to secede. I’ve been lauded lately for telling the truth and speaking to the citizens of NY like they’re adults, and while I appreciate it, the 13-year-old girl who lives inside of me (she lives inside all of us) is like what, really? The bar is, like, really that low? Even CNN and the NY Times gush over Trump every time he manages not to shit himself or comes across as somewhat coherent. Basically, any time he comports himself as well as an average child, he’s finally “presidential.” And his approval ratings are going up. All those hicks in the sticks, who are supposedly against the federal government redistributing taxes, you know what? I’m starting to agree with them. I’m tired of NY paying for roads and schools in Alabama and Oklahoma…
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