Tag Archive: Chelsea Handler

Divine Advice For Dr. Anthony Fauci 2

Dear Jesus and Satan, The other day, I stumbled upon some Anthony Fauci/Andrew Cuomo erotic fan fiction that Chelsea Handler wrote back in April 2020, and it brought a tear to my eye. Those were simpler times, when the public accepted every word that came out of my mouth as gospel, and anyone who expressed any doubt was lumped in with the QAnon conspiracy nuts. It was a great time to be Anthony Fauci, let me tell you. Did I get to fuck Chelsea Handler? No—I’m no Andrew Cuomo—but I did have Brad Pitt play me on Saturday Night Live, which meant I could have fucked Jennifer Anniston and Angelina Jolie if I had wanted to. I declined, for obvious reasons (they’re both old and Botox-y). In hindsight, I wish they had cast Ben Affleck instead because then I would have had access to J-Lo’s luscious booty. Who knew she…
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