Tag Archive: Elizabeth Warren

Divine Advice For Joe Biden

Dear DA, I know I’m old and tired and not very “woke,” but I’m probably about as good as it’s going to get for the American people right now, so I’m throwing my hat into the ring or the election or whatever the hell it is. What I mean to say is that I’m running for president, and I think I have decent shot. They way I see it, after a black guy like Obama, having a woman right after him was just too much. They, or I guess, “we,” needed a sleazy, crazy, old white guy to restore the balance of whatever the hell defines this country. Beer, guns, lesbians, I don’t know. I’m old. And that’s kind of the point. Most of us living today are used to old white guys being president, just one old white fart after another, year after year, decade after decade. It barely…
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Divine Advice For Democrats Running For President

Dear DA, It took us 7 hours to decide how or who to address this letter to, which is actually kind of a record for us as far as quickness and decisiveness. We wanted to be inclusive, so some of us wanted to list all the religions or deities still presiding over America, but we didn’t want to leave out the atheists or agnostics or offend anyone with the order, especially the Muslims. There’s no way to do this ecumenically and inclusively without sounding like nationalist extraterrestrials (Dear People of America), so we just copied Taylor Swift and went with Dear DA. It seems like it should be unthinkable, but the one thing we all agree on is that Trump is going to be re-elected and we’re all going to lose. Just look at us. Trump is a lousy president and an even worse human being, but he’s good at…
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