Tag Archive: Derek Chauvin

Divine Advice For Black Superman

Original drawing by R. Klemek

Dear DA, Being Black Superman isn’t easy. I’m only 33, and I’ve already gone through five alter-egos because the cops keep shooting me. Every time I drive through a white neighborhood and hear sirens, I think “oh shit, here we go again.” I’ve been a plumber, a doctor, a lawyer–I even joined the Merchant Marines and somehow, a cop shot me out in the ocean. I’m running out of names to think up for myself. Maybe next time I’ll be a basketball player or NFL star, someone with a name these cops will recognize, so instead of shooting me, we can just laugh about football. As long as I’m not one of the uppity ones who takes a knee. White Superman never mentions this, but it must have happened to him, too, so go easy on him. The first thing that popped out of my ship was a kryptonite paddle…
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Divine Advice For Derek Chauvin

Dear DA, I really screwed up, and most of it isn’t even because I’m a blatant racist. You know how if you have a job for long enough, you kind of start to blow it off? It’s like every year, I have to watch a sensitivity training video again? Or get my eyes checked so I can be recertified to use a firearm? And this bullshit never ends. I stopped doing all of that crap years ago, and it kind of bled over into my work on the streets. You hear enough people begging for mercy or to be treated like human beings, and you just kind of grow numb to it. The pressure was also starting to get to me. A regular arrest, like what was caught on film, I practically sleep through. You know what kind of calls I get? People used to complain to me about stray…
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Divine Advice For Joe Biden 2

Original photo by David Lienemann

Dear DA, When I was 14, I lost a game of Tic-Tac-Toe to a chicken, and as humiliating as it was, it was the reality check I needed. If only Trump had had a pet chicken during his formative years, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess, but I hear he’s terrified of birds. Hates them with a passion unless they’re in McNugget form. As dumb as I am, I just can’t deny reality. Reality, in my opinion, is more than hard enough, even if you’re trying to pay attention to it. But there are smart people out there. Did you know that if you concentrate hard enough, you can always force a tie at Tic-Tac-Toe? I can’t do it myself, but one of the generals told me, and then he showed me how! I forgot immediately, but I remember him doing it, and just because I can’t do it…
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