Tag Archive: Tulsi Gabbard
The Skull Island Times > Tulsi Gabbard
H. Seitz
October 12, 2020
Divine Advice
Alex P. Keaton, Andrew Yang, Beelzebub, Donald Trump, Family Ties, Harris, Hillary Clinton, Jesus, Joe Biden, Kamala, Lord of the Flies, Revenge of the Nerds, Ronald Reagan, Satan, The Atlantic, Tulsi Gabbard
Dear DA, Am I seeing and hearing what everyone else is seeing and hearing? What the hell is wrong with this country? Trump gets asked about white nationalists, he tells them to standby, and 40 million Americans still want to vote for him? If Ronald Regan had pulled that shit he would have been out, and that was 40 years ago. I’m not some spring chicken, I’ve been around the block, and I seem to remember a lot of this shit, like the propaganda on FOX News, literally being illegal when I was a kid. But oh no no. We geniuses in congress figured that the American people were stupid, but not that stupid, so why keep a law that’s no longer necessary? We never stopped to consider that maybe this law seemed unnecessary because it was working. It’s like throwing away your fire extinguishers because your house hasn’t been…
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H. Seitz
June 1, 2020
Divine Advice
Amy Klobuchar, Andrew Yang, Barack Obama, Bernie Sanders, Beyonce, Bringing Down the House, Derek Chauvin, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, Eve, Garden of Eden, Gene Wilder, George Floyd, Jell-O, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Kirsten Gillibrand, Pocahontas, Silver Streak, Skittles, Steve Martin, Tulsi Gabbard
Original photo by David Lienemann
Dear DA, When I was 14, I lost a game of Tic-Tac-Toe to a chicken, and as humiliating as it was, it was the reality check I needed. If only Trump had had a pet chicken during his formative years, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess, but I hear he’s terrified of birds. Hates them with a passion unless they’re in McNugget form. As dumb as I am, I just can’t deny reality. Reality, in my opinion, is more than hard enough, even if you’re trying to pay attention to it. But there are smart people out there. Did you know that if you concentrate hard enough, you can always force a tie at Tic-Tac-Toe? I can’t do it myself, but one of the generals told me, and then he showed me how! I forgot immediately, but I remember him doing it, and just because I can’t do it…
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RK Galaga
April 13, 2020
Divine Advice
Andrew Yang, AOC, Bernie Sanders, Don Jr., Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Ivanka Trump, Jesus, Joe Biden, Satan, Tulsi Gabbard
Dear Characters from Christian Mythology, As you know, I suspended my presidential bid this week, and my supporters are none too happy about it. They blame the Democratic establishment for marginalizing our progressive values, undermining our revolution, and conspiring against my campaign. Obviously, they’re right. The problem is Donald Trump is still our president and he’s making things worse every second of every day. How can I convince my tribe of Bernie Bros that Joe Biden may be a creepy hair-sniffing fossil with dementia, but we still need him to win in November? It might take another four years for the country to get it’s head out of it’s ass, but we don’t have that kind of time. Sincerely, Bernie Sanders Dear Bernie, It’s adorable that you still think there’s going to be an election in November. Anyway, there’s only one way to keep your disciples from losing hope—you have…
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RK Galaga
March 8, 2020
Divine Advice
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Anderson Cooper, Andrew Yang, AOC, Bernie Sanders, Democratic National Committee, DNC, Donald Trump, Fox News, Hillary Clinton, International Women's Day, Ivanka Trump, Jesus, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Melania Trump, Satan, Trumpers, Tulsi Gabbard, UBI, universal basic income
Today is International Women’s Day (in the middle of Women’s History month), and I’m wondering why the hell the whole country keeps saying that there are no women left in the 2020 presidential race. Sure, I’m hanging on by a thread, but I’m still here, dammit. At least for now. I made a lot of enemies when I kicked Kamala Harris’s ass on the debate stage over her social justice failures, and then I further enraged the party when I dared to fight Hillary Clinton after she called me a Russian asset. The Democratic establishment doesn’t like it when people call them out on their bullshit, and the lamestream media is more than willing to go along with whatever narrative the elites put forward. Maybe I should have played nice in the beginning. Maybe I should have waited until I had more support before taking the gloves off, but that’s…
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