Tag Archive: Beelzebub

Divine Advice For Meghan Markle

Dear Divine Advice, Marrying into British royalty boosted my fame, but it hasn’t paid off like I had hoped when it comes to my movie career. I even had Harry corner Bob Iger at a party and “suggest” he cast me in the next Disney movie, but instead of caving to my husband’s threats, Iger stepped down as CEO. And then Disney went and cast some other woman of color as the live-action Little Mermaid just to spite me. I laid all my cards on the table in my Oprah interview when I accused the royal family of racism, but my phone still isn’t ringing. If identity politics doesn’t get me work, I don’t know what will. I turn 40 in August, and I’m only half black, so my skin won’t stay this nice forever. Please help! Sincerely, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex Dear Meghan, I’m not going to lie to…
Read more

Share this post:

Divine Advice For Kamala Harris 2

Dear DA, Am I seeing and hearing what everyone else is seeing and hearing? What the hell is wrong with this country? Trump gets asked about white nationalists, he tells them to standby, and 40 million Americans still want to vote for him? If Ronald Regan had pulled that shit he would have been out, and that was 40 years ago. I’m not some spring chicken, I’ve been around the block, and I seem to remember a lot of this shit, like the propaganda on FOX News, literally being illegal when I was a kid. But oh no no. We geniuses in congress figured that the American people were stupid, but not that stupid, so why keep a law that’s no longer necessary? We never stopped to consider that maybe this law seemed unnecessary because it was working. It’s like throwing away your fire extinguishers because your house hasn’t been…
Read more

Share this post: