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Divine Advice For Meghan Markle

March 15, 2021 0 Divine Advice , , , , , , , , ,

Original photo by Northern Ireland Office (cropped)

Dear Divine Advice, Marrying into British royalty boosted my fame, but it hasn’t paid off like I had hoped when it comes to my movie career. I even had Harry corner Bob Iger at a party and “suggest” he cast me in the next Disney movie, but instead of caving to my husband’s threats, Iger stepped down as CEO. And then Disney went and cast some other woman of color as the live-action Little Mermaid just to spite me. I laid all my cards on the table in my Oprah interview when I accused the royal family of racism, but my phone still isn’t ringing. If identity politics doesn’t get me work, I don’t know what will. I turn 40 in August, and I’m only half black, so my skin won’t stay this nice forever. Please help! Sincerely, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex Dear Meghan, I’m not going to lie to…
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Divine Advice For George Lucas

December 23, 2019 0 Divine Advice , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Original photo by Joi Ito

Dear DA, A guy sells something for four billion dollars and it’s difficult to have much compassion for him even if he isn’t an asshole, let alone when he bemoans the reality of what he certainly must have seen coming. I sold Star Wars to a rabid, insatiable rodent, so what exactly did I expect? Did I honestly think that they’d follow my creative vision when they gave me four billion dollars specifically so they wouldn’t have to? Believe it or not, I did. That’s just the kind of narcissistic, egomaniac that I am. After all, if Star Wars is a religion (which it most certainly is), I’m the Holy Trinity. When they made The Passion of the Christ, did they shut you out of the creative process? Or just toss the entire bible out the window? Of course not. The Rise of Skywalker is credited to J.J. Abrams, but…
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