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Divine Advice For Tulsi Gabbard

March 8, 2020 0 Divine Advice , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Today is International Women’s Day (in the middle of Women’s History month), and I’m wondering why the hell the whole country keeps saying that there are no women left in the 2020 presidential race. Sure, I’m hanging on by a thread, but I’m still here, dammit. At least for now. I made a lot of enemies when I kicked Kamala Harris’s ass on the debate stage over her social justice failures, and then I further enraged the party when I dared to fight Hillary Clinton after she called me a Russian asset. The Democratic establishment doesn’t like it when people call them out on their bullshit, and the lamestream media is more than willing to go along with whatever narrative the elites put forward. Maybe I should have played nice in the beginning. Maybe I should have waited until I had more support before taking the gloves off, but that’s…
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Divine Advice For Andrew Yang

July 1, 2019 0 Divine Advice , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Original photo by Asa Mathat

Dear DA, I’m one of the 47 Democrats running for president, the Asian one named Yang. Not that one, the other Asian. The one who’s trying to bribe everyone into voting for me. One grand a month free and easy, yo, from the Yang Dog. That’s what they used to call me in my hood in Schenectady. It’s a little town in Upstate NY. There’s a rose garden and an old-timey movie theater and absolutely nothing else. That’s why I had to choose the thug life. To get some respect, yo. First, I have a confession to make. No one really used to call me the Yang Dog. I just made that up. I’m not even sure why. I thought it would make me sound cool. If you just add “Dog” to the end of your name, you’re cool. At least most of the time. I thought it would work…
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