Tag Archive: Family Ties
The Skull Island Times > Family Ties
H. Seitz
October 12, 2020
Divine Advice
Alex P. Keaton, Andrew Yang, Beelzebub, Donald Trump, Family Ties, Harris, Hillary Clinton, Jesus, Joe Biden, Kamala, Lord of the Flies, Revenge of the Nerds, Ronald Reagan, Satan, The Atlantic, Tulsi Gabbard
Dear DA, Am I seeing and hearing what everyone else is seeing and hearing? What the hell is wrong with this country? Trump gets asked about white nationalists, he tells them to standby, and 40 million Americans still want to vote for him? If Ronald Regan had pulled that shit he would have been out, and that was 40 years ago. I’m not some spring chicken, I’ve been around the block, and I seem to remember a lot of this shit, like the propaganda on FOX News, literally being illegal when I was a kid. But oh no no. We geniuses in congress figured that the American people were stupid, but not that stupid, so why keep a law that’s no longer necessary? We never stopped to consider that maybe this law seemed unnecessary because it was working. It’s like throwing away your fire extinguishers because your house hasn’t been…
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H. Seitz
June 10, 2019
Divine Advice
Ali Wong, Arrested Development, Aunt Becky, Batman, Candice Cameron, Chelsea Noble, Christian Bale, David Copperfield, Doogie Howser, Family Ties, Fuller House, Harold and Kumar, Jason Bateman, Justine Bateman, Kirk Cameron, Laurie Loughlin, Mallory Keaton, Meredith Baxter-Birney, Michael Gross, Michael J. Fox, Neil Patrick Harris, Netflix, NPH, Randall Park, Sandy Duncan, Teen Wolf, Teen Wolf 2, Teenwolf, Teenwolf too, The Hogan Family, Tiny Yothers, Valeri Bure, Valerie Harper
Dear DA, I’ve led a charmed life, especially for a former child actor. People were offering me blow and prostitutes by the time I was 14, and it was really difficult to say no. To be honest, I didn’t say no all the time. What 15 year old boy could turn down an 8-ball with a Sunset Strip whore? But I didn’t end up dead or crazy or a religious freak like Kirk Cameron, so it’s probably all for the best. But if we’re being completely honest, I’m still a little bit jealous of Kirk Cameron. He was always on the cover of Tiger Beat and really blew up in a way I never quite did. They had me on a few times, too, but it always felt like I was subbing for someone else. The same with Teenwolf, Too. Michael J. Fox says no and they need another bland…
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H. Seitz
June 19, 2018
Default, Movies and Television, Reviews
Alex P. Keaton, American History X, Edward Norton, Emma Watson, Family Ties, Gabrielle Union, Jeff Goldblum, Justine Bateman, Meredith Baxter-Birney, Michael Gross, Michael J. Fox, Tina Youthers, Willem Dafoe
When I first heard about this, I thought “great, another fucking reboot.” Is Hollywood really this creatively bankrupt? (Yes.) With The Transformers reboot, at least there was the chance that today’s technology could give us a paradigm-shifting experience (and it did! Seven times!). And reboots of 90s classics like Sabrina the Teenage Witch just make sense. Who wouldn’t want to watch a cat puppet talk to a girl we’re not sure how to feel about wanting to hump? But Family Ties? Really? The only reason it worked in the first place was the spank-bankability of Meredith Baxter-Birney. Without the sexual tension between her and Michael J. Fox, what’s the point? I’m happy to report that I was wrong. Dead wrong. Family Ties: The Ties That Bind melds all of the classic archetypes of the original with today’s dystopian angst. We still have the liberal dad (Jeff Goldblum), the hot mom…
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