Tag Archive: Mike Pence

The Skull Island Times > Mike Pence

Divine Advice For Mike Pence 2

October 19, 2020 0 Divine Advice , , , , , ,

Dear DA, What the heck is wrong with this country? Did you know that people can still be hung for treason? Not that I’m, um, personally concerned. I’m mean I’m still for the death penalty, obviousy, but what the heck? Hanged? I thought it’d be a prostitute who snaps my neck when I least suspect it, or at least some kind of sex robot or sex drone. Something, you know, more kind of civilized. As far as that fly on my head, I thought it showed my iron will and determination. My doctor told me that I’ve been legally dead for the last three years, but what do those eggheads know about anything? I know this is technically against the “rules,” but do you think you could give me a sneak peek into me and Trump’s preordained 1000 year reich, or, um, rule? I’ll bet they’ll be ice sculptures and…
Read more

Share this post:

Divine Advice For Kamala Harris

August 10, 2020 0 Divine Advice , , , , , , , , ,

Dear DA, Remember when I was a contender? I was actually polling well until the billionaires told me to can the progressive bullshit. So I started talking about banning Trump from Twitter and my numbers plummeted, but it looks like I’m about to luck my way into becoming VP anyway. It might actually be better this way, now that corporate America knows that I can be “reasonable.” The bar is so low at this point that Biden and I will be an improvement no matter what, but what worries me is that “returning to normalcy” just isn’t going to cut it. This is a strange time politically. Being a rich white man helps, but so does being a black woman, as long as there’s some sort of balance. As far as being capable or qualified, that barely matters at all. What’s most important at this point is what you don’t…
Read more

Share this post:

Divine Advice For Mike Pence

May 4, 2020 0 Divine Advice , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Original photo by Gage Skidmore

Dear DA, If Phil Donahue and Charlie Brown had a Benjamin Button style old-man baby, that would be me, so I have to do whatever I can to look tough, no matter who I might put in danger. You ever have a cat that was afraid to go outside? So whenever he did, he would puff out his fur to make himself look big and tough, but really he just looked ridiculous? I was talking to mommy (that’s my pet name for my wife) and she told me that no matter how silly or sick I might feel, there’s no turning back now. I have to keep getting up and putting on my hair and face just like mommy, and if mommy can do it, so can I, because I’m her special little old-man baby. I try to be brave, but I’m still afraid. There are just so many mysteries,…
Read more

Share this post: