Tag Archive: Fuller House

Divine Advice For Kimberly Guilfoyle

Dear Divine Advice, I just gave a brilliant speech at CPAC but the only thing people are talking about is that sexy dance I did back in December at the Turning Point USA Convention. If nobody is going to take me seriously anyway, should I just become a stripper? Sure, my face looks like the Michael Myers mask from Halloween, but I do have a delicious booty. At least Don Jr. thinks so. Yours Truly, Kimberly Guilfoyle P.S. THE BEST. IS YET. TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.P.S. Sorry. That was just the cocaine kicking in. Dear Kim, After Kimmy Gibbler on Fuller House, you’re the second most annoying Kim in the world. That’s quite an accomplishment, considering there are still Kim Kardashian and Kim Jong-Un to contend with. For a second, I was wondering what sexy dancing had to do with those machines people strap to their faces when they have sleep…
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Divine Advice For Jason Bateman

Dear DA, I’ve led a charmed life, especially for a former child actor. People were offering me blow and prostitutes by the time I was 14, and it was really difficult to say no. To be honest, I didn’t say no all the time. What 15 year old boy could turn down an 8-ball with a Sunset Strip whore? But I didn’t end up dead or crazy or a religious freak like Kirk Cameron, so it’s probably all for the best. But if we’re being completely honest, I’m still a little bit jealous of Kirk Cameron. He was always on the cover of Tiger Beat and really blew up in a way I never quite did. They had me on a few times, too, but it always felt like I was subbing for someone else. The same with Teenwolf, Too. Michael J. Fox says no and they need another bland…
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Divine Advice For Kirk Cameron

Dear Jesus and The Devil, First of all, I want to start by saying I’m a huge fan—both of your column and how you run the universe. For the most part, at least. The thing is, in last week’s Divine Advice column, there was a contradiction with something you had said the week before. In your advice to Lindsay Lohan, Satan mentioned Harvey Weinstein would meet his end by suffering a heart attack after a night of binging on hot dogs, hookers, and heroin. But then in your advice to Woody Allen, Jesus said Harvey was going to die via a painful dick rash. Which is it, guys? Also, I don’t want to tell you how to do your jobs, but it seems you’ve been pretty soft on the gays recently. Isn’t it high time something awful happened to either George Takei or Neil Patrick Harris? Those guys are really…
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