Divine Advice For John Cena

RK Galaga June 28, 2021 0 Divine Advice Blood Sport, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, F9: The Fast Saga, Gerard Depardieu, Gorbachev, Hulk Hogan, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jesus, John Cena, Marky Mark, Matt Damon, McDonald's, Mr. Nanny, Rocky, Ronald Reagan, Satan, Suburban Commando, Sylvester Stallone, The Fast and the Furious, The Great Wall, The Rock, Uncle Sam, Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me

Original photo by Gage Skidmore (cropped)

Dear God’s advice, First of all, please forgive my bad grammar, but this letter was translated from traditional Chinese using Google Translate. Anyway, solve my problem… When promoting my upcoming blockbuster F9: Fast Saga recently, I mistakenly referred to Taiwan as a country. I immediately realized that I had offended our Chinese overlord and publicly apologized in Mandarin and kissed their ass. Kneeling seemed to work. I was not knocked down by lightning, and my career was temporarily saved. The problem is that from that day on, I cannot speak or write in English. I don’t know if I was cursed by a certain Taiwanese wizard or by the ghost of Uncle Sam or Ronald Reagan. Anyway, I was humiliated in front of American friends, and the Chinese people did not respect me. One day, Chinese will become the only language in the world, but before that, I need to…
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Movie Review: Hobbs and Shaw

H. Seitz July 23, 2019 0 Movies and Television, Reviews Captain Marvel, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Gang Bang, Hobbs and Shaw, Jason Statham, The Fast and the Furious, The Rodeo Clown, Titty

Hobbs and Shaw is the gay action-adventure rom-com the entire world has been waiting for, and it comes up big time (pun intended). For everyone wondering what went wrong with Captain Marvel and Titty Titty Gang Bang, pay attention. We’ve all been “woke” for at least five or six years now, and even most of the non-woke community (a minority we should be allies to, btw) couldn’t care less about who’s sleeping with who as long as all of the participants are consenting adults. We no longer need the communist ethnostate ideology rammed down our throats. What we do need rammed down our throats is a little physics-defying stunt the fringe gay community refers to as The Rodeo Clown, and not only do the leads pull it off like seasoned pornographers, it happens organically. It isn’t in your face until it is, and by then, you want it to be. …
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Divine Advice For Vin Diesel

H. Seitz July 8, 2019 0 Divine Advice Bizarro, Charles Bronson, Charlize Theron, Chronicles of Riddick, Dame Judy Dench, Dominic Torreto, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Groot, Jesus, Mark Sinclair, Paul Vincent Sinclair, Pitch Black, Satan, Superman, The Fast and the Furious, Vin Diesel

Original photo by Gage Skidmore

Dear DA, I try to keep it a secret, but I have a creepy, unfamous twin brother and he’s jealous as hell. How would you feel if there was a guy who looked exactly like you, except handsome, muscular, rich, and famous? You’re in your basement apartment with your normal wife, stuck living life with all the other norms, while your superstud brother is out there making love to The Rock and Charlize Theron. I feel sorry for the guy, it’s gotta be tough being the “other” twin, but this time, he’s gone too far. Last night he slipped in the shower and hit his head and now he thinks he’s Dominic Torreto, the guy I play in The Fast and Furious cinematic universe. He made love to The Rock and let The Rock be on top. Vin Diesel is always the top. I swear to God I could kill…
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Tag Archive: The Fast and the Furious