Tag Archive: Jill Stein
The Skull Island Times > Jill Stein
H. Seitz
July 1, 2019
Divine Advice
Andrew Yang, Bernie Sanders, Democrat, DNC, Donald Trump, Fox News, Freedom Dividend, Jesus, Jill Stein, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Marianne Williamson, MSNBC, NBC, Pete Buttigieg, Satan, The Devil, Yang Gang
Dear DA, I’m one of the 47 Democrats running for president, the Asian one named Yang. Not that one, the other Asian. The one who’s trying to bribe everyone into voting for me. One grand a month free and easy, yo, from the Yang Dog. That’s what they used to call me in my hood in Schenectady. It’s a little town in Upstate NY. There’s a rose garden and an old-timey movie theater and absolutely nothing else. That’s why I had to choose the thug life. To get some respect, yo. First, I have a confession to make. No one really used to call me the Yang Dog. I just made that up. I’m not even sure why. I thought it would make me sound cool. If you just add “Dog” to the end of your name, you’re cool. At least most of the time. I thought it would work…
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H. Seitz
January 28, 2019
Divine Advice
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Amazon, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warrem, Hillary Clinton, Jeff Besos, Jesus, Jill Stein, Koch Brothers, Satan, Viagra
Dear DA, I’m considering running for president, and this time, I think I can win. I may look like an old man on the outside, but I’m still as sharp as a tack. Lurking within my battered frame is the spunk of a hot latina lesbian woman who just found out her grandma’s homemade salsa is nothing but Old El Paso with a little bit of ketchup added in. I’ve been duped! We’ve all been duped! Can you believe this wall nonsense? I’ve always considered myself to be an honorable Jew, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Walls are bad news. Ask the East Germans, or the Jews in the Warsaw ghetto. Is this really the look we’re going for? I’ve noticed that hot latina lesbians are trending lately. Yes, I know how to find out about what’s trending on the interweb. I keep up with the social media…
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H. Seitz
November 13, 2017
Divine Advice
deflategate, Derek Jeter, Donald Trump, Gary Johnson, Gisele Bündchen, Gronk, Jesus, Jill Stein, National Football League, New England Patriots, New York Giants, NFL, Rob Gronkowski, Satan, Southie, Super Bowl, Tom Brady
Dear DA, Like most people in Boston, I’m a diehard racist and closeted homosexual. It’s kind of our thing here in Massachusetts. I have to hide my racism and homosexuality because one is not politically correct and the other one is just wrong, but I figure I might as well be honest with you guys. I voted for Donald Trump and I continue to support him. And I get very little flack for this because I’m a handsome quarterback. Like handsome quarterbacks everywhere, I can get away with just about anything. If I wanted to beat my wife or my mistress or my secret gay concubine, I could do it in public on camera and maybe get a token two game suspension and a small fine. The same goes for my kids. I could beat them black and blue with a big stick and basically, nothing bad would happen to…
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