Tag Archive: The Mandalorian

Divine Advice For Gina Carano 2

Dear Divine Advice, The last time I wrote in, I was only a little canceled, but now it’s for real. The way the angry Internet mob is coming after me is eerily similar to when a certain group of people got together and demanded that the Romans execute you. I’m sure you hate it when people compare themselves to you, but this time, I think the shoe fits. Anyway, now that I no longer have a job I’m trying to figure out my options. Last time, you suggested either porn or professional wrestling, but I think I can do better. Do you have any other ideas? Sincerely, Gina Carano Dear Gina, I have to admit, I’m scratching my head on this one. In the old days, you would have been canceled for gaining a bunch of weight between seasons, but in modern times, letting yourself get fat just means you…
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Divine Advice For Gina Carano

Dear DA, I don’t answer to man’s laws, only to God’s, but I am still subject to the punishment of man, or being “canceled.” If you thought my Tweets were crazy, about masks being a trick or a form of suppression, you’re right. It’s dangerous, irresponsible, and pushes the boundaries of the First Amendment. That crazy bitch should be punished, so my question for you is whether it’s possible to sue myself? I mean, this is kind of like screaming “fire!” in a movie theater when there isn’t a fire, right? You remember movie theaters? Those big, dark places where people used to go to watch giant robots blow each other up and boobies? I’m really torn on this one. On the one hand, I have the right to say whatever I want, whenever I want, and to stand up against the government, scientists, doctors, epidemiologists all while making a…
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Divine Advice For George Lucas

Dear DA, A guy sells something for four billion dollars and it’s difficult to have much compassion for him even if he isn’t an asshole, let alone when he bemoans the reality of what he certainly must have seen coming. I sold Star Wars to a rabid, insatiable rodent, so what exactly did I expect? Did I honestly think that they’d follow my creative vision when they gave me four billion dollars specifically so they wouldn’t have to? Believe it or not, I did. That’s just the kind of narcissistic, egomaniac that I am. After all, if Star Wars is a religion (which it most certainly is), I’m the Holy Trinity. When they made The Passion of the Christ, did they shut you out of the creative process? Or just toss the entire bible out the window? Of course not. The Rise of Skywalker is credited to J.J. Abrams, but…
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Divine Advice For Robert Allen Iger

Dear Jesus and Satan, You’d think that owning everything would be great, but it’s actually extremely stressful. I like to revel in the failure of others just like everybody else, but now, there are no others. Take Terminator Dark Fate. It turns out that Disney somehow owns this piece of crap and it’s got me hella worried about the five Avatar movies we’re making. Jesus Christ, did we have to go ahead and make five of them? We’ve already spent something like a billion dollars and I have no idea what they’re even about. I think they’re about blue panthers or something? God this is bad. We own Star Wars, Marvel, Fox, and all this other crap, but are people even going to the movies anymore? I just don’t see millions of people shelling out $25 to go see Avatar 4. The merch is still solid (thank God) and Baby…
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