Tag Archive: Pocahontas

Divine Advice For Joe Biden 2

Original photo by David Lienemann

Dear DA, When I was 14, I lost a game of Tic-Tac-Toe to a chicken, and as humiliating as it was, it was the reality check I needed. If only Trump had had a pet chicken during his formative years, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess, but I hear he’s terrified of birds. Hates them with a passion unless they’re in McNugget form. As dumb as I am, I just can’t deny reality. Reality, in my opinion, is more than hard enough, even if you’re trying to pay attention to it. But there are smart people out there. Did you know that if you concentrate hard enough, you can always force a tie at Tic-Tac-Toe? I can’t do it myself, but one of the generals told me, and then he showed me how! I forgot immediately, but I remember him doing it, and just because I can’t do it…
Read more

Share this post:

Divine Advice For Democrats Running For President

Dear DA, It took us 7 hours to decide how or who to address this letter to, which is actually kind of a record for us as far as quickness and decisiveness. We wanted to be inclusive, so some of us wanted to list all the religions or deities still presiding over America, but we didn’t want to leave out the atheists or agnostics or offend anyone with the order, especially the Muslims. There’s no way to do this ecumenically and inclusively without sounding like nationalist extraterrestrials (Dear People of America), so we just copied Taylor Swift and went with Dear DA. It seems like it should be unthinkable, but the one thing we all agree on is that Trump is going to be re-elected and we’re all going to lose. Just look at us. Trump is a lousy president and an even worse human being, but he’s good at…
Read more

Share this post: