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Divine Advice For Rudy Giuliani 2

May 3, 2021 0 Divine Advice , , , , , , , , ,

Original photo by Marc Nozell (cropped)

Dear DA, Do you think I could pass for a house elf like Dobby from the Harry Potter books? God how I love those books, and I need them now more than ever. Thank God that at least Trump stood up for me, and he’s right. This entire thing is so unfair, just like everything that ever goes wrong for me. The FBI warned me about Russian interference in the 2020 presidential election, and of course I ignored them because they’re a part of the deep state. Then they warned me again and I ignored them again. And then suddenly, out of the blue, they’re raiding my home? Seems kind of suspicious if you ask me. The last time I checked, the President is more powerful than the FBI. Or at least he’s supposed to be. He tells me to jump off a bridge or go to Ukraine to help…
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Divine Advice For Emma Watson

September 9, 2019 0 Divine Advice , , , , , , ,

Original photo by David Shankbone

Dear DA, I’ve fallen in love with Ted Nugent. Aside from all of his core beliefs being absolutely despicable, he’s actually a really sweet guy. I feel torn about this because I’ve kind of been an SJW type, and I know that all of the little girls who look up to me are going to be disappointed. Judging by their past reactions, they’ll probably crucify me, but isn’t this what tolerance is all about? I really like being boned by Ted Nugent, so I tolerate the rest. As long as we don’t talk about women’s rights, the civil rights movement, racism, pay inequality, gun control, immigration, veganism, or anything else that’s important to me, we get along great. He really is totally fine as long as you don’t talk about politics or guns. If you do, he’s almost unbelievably awful, but aside from that, really, he’s great. It’s weird to…
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