Tag Archive: Beto O’Rourke
The Skull Island Times > Beto O'Rourke
H. Seitz
July 15, 2019
Divine Advice
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, AOC, Ariel, Ark Encounter, Bernie Sanders, Beto O'Rourke, Creation Museum, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, Ivanka Trump, The Little Mermaid
Dear DA, Man. The most dangerous animal. The most dangerous animal of all is a man with nothing to lose. And this is how I’m Making America Great Again. We will be a dangerous nation of men with nothing left to lose. Like Rambo, except robots. I can’t stress this enough: all of the actual fighting will be done by robots. I call them Rambots. They’re good people, these Rambots. Some of them are rapists and murderers, but most of them, I assume, are fine people. Or Rambots. I’ve hunted men before. Or more accurately, the female version of men. I believe the scientific term for them is “bimbos.” And if that’s not politically correct, you can blame it on those creepy egghead scientists. Half of them have never gotten laid in their lives. Probably all of them. They’re too busy looking up at the climate. They wouldn’t know a…
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H. Seitz
March 18, 2019
Divine Advice
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, AOC, Bernie Sanders, Beto O'Rourke, Bill Clinton, Christian, Cleopatra, Democratic Party, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, Hillary Clinton, Jesus Christ, Liz Taylor, Oompa Loompa, Pocahontas, Satan, Taylor Swift, Trumpsters
Dear DA, It took us 7 hours to decide how or who to address this letter to, which is actually kind of a record for us as far as quickness and decisiveness. We wanted to be inclusive, so some of us wanted to list all the religions or deities still presiding over America, but we didn’t want to leave out the atheists or agnostics or offend anyone with the order, especially the Muslims. There’s no way to do this ecumenically and inclusively without sounding like nationalist extraterrestrials (Dear People of America), so we just copied Taylor Swift and went with Dear DA. It seems like it should be unthinkable, but the one thing we all agree on is that Trump is going to be re-elected and we’re all going to lose. Just look at us. Trump is a lousy president and an even worse human being, but he’s good at…
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