Tag Archive: Yankees

Divine Advice for NASCAR President Mike Helton

Dear DA, I noticed Trump has started putting up signage on his podium when he goes out to make a speech or do a press conference. It’s like I’ve been sayin’ all along: Trump is truly our first NASCAR president. Him and I are of a similar mind (and haircut), and this little idea is catching like wildfire. The NBA, NHL, NFL; hell, even MLB is starting to sell space on their unis. Even the Yankees. They refuse to sell the naming rights to their stadium for now, which has to make you hate them just a little bit less, but they’ll come around. Before you know it, Yankee Stadium will be the Google Thunderdome and all of their uniforms will be covered in patches for Arby’s, Build-a-Bear, Carl’s Junior and the like. I’ll betcha even Victoria’s Secret gets in on the act. Won’t that be something? Some 6’4” greaser…
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Divine Advice For Michael Cohen

Dear DA, I’m screwed. You know the people who when they were kids were always misquoting movies? Who’d tell the same dumb joke or say the same stupid catchphrase over and over again and laugh every time? That kid was me. I’ve always been kind of a wannabe. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a cowboy. Living with nature among all of God’s creatures, sleeping under the stars and cooking beans over a campfire, all of that stuff sounded awful to me. But being able to shoot Indians or Native Americans or really anyone (but it’s easier to get away with it if they’re brown) would have made all of those hardships worth it. Like a lot of college guys, I went through my “The Godfather” and “Scarface” phase. I would repeat those lines about cannolis and saying hello to my little pal to everyone. I was…
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