Tag Archive: Hulk

Bruce Banner Discusses GOP Tax Bill/ Hulk Discusses Net Neutrality

H. Seitz December 7, 2017 Editorial Bruce Banner, GOP Tax Bill, Hulk, Net Neutrality

I woke up outside again naked with a dog licking my scrotum. The movies and comics leave this out, but when I turn into the Hulk, I’m entirely naked. Shorts don’t hold up in the real world. And at least 70% of the time, it’s a dog that finds me and wakes me up. They must like my Hulk musk or something. Ever since Trump got elected, I don’t think I’ve gone more than two days without turning into the Hulk. Every time I turn back into myself, by the time I wander back into civilization, find clothes, etc, I inevitably run across at least one newspaper article or television report that turns me right back into the Hulk. I woke up in a red state, so I maybe have a few more minutes tops to write this. I can already hear an old man justifying the GOP Tax Bill.…
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The Incredible Hulk Discusses Gun Control

H. Seitz October 6, 2017 0 Editorial Hulk

Hulk have problem human logic. Human thinking hard comprehend. But Hulk try. Hulk see like this. Big gun problem. Need fix problem. Most American want fix problem. But no fix problem. Make crazy excuse instead. Excuse #1: If make law, maybe no fix all problem. Maybe cause some problem (imperfect law). Law against murder no fix all murder. Law no perfect. But definitely fix some murder. Excuse #2: Gun law no help other country. This excuse cherry-pick lie. More relevant compare USA to Australia or England than Chad or Somalia. Excuse #3: Gun violence no so bad when consider most suicide. Last Hulk check, shoot self with gun still gun violence. Shoot self by accident still gun violence. Dog shoot self still gun violence. Baby shoot man still gun violence. Again, cherry-pick lie. Research show gun most effective method suicide and preferred man method. Also show suicide less likely if…
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The Incredible Hulk Discusses DWB (Driving While Black)

H. Seitz September 7, 2017 0 Editorial Black Panther, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Solomon Grundy, Superman

Hulk drive car other day, Hulk drive good, but immediately cop pull Hulk over. He ask license, registration. Hulk confused. Hulk no remember how Hulk end up in car. Cop ask Hulk step out car, do sobriety test. He call Hulk in radio, radio tell Hulk only have Learner’s permit, need supervision experienced driver. Also, car registered Bruce Banner. Who Bruce Banner? Hulk no know. Cop mad, shift almost over, now, must wait tow truck. Car no reported stolen, so Hulk OK. Hulk hear on news, dangerous drive while black, dangerous drive while monster, so Hulk always bring tape recorder. Hulk fall asleep, wake up in car other side of town. Hulk listen to tape recorder, cop ask “who you?”, man answer Bruce Banner, tell cop he supervise Hulk, Hulk drive to park car while in bathroom. Bruce Banner naked, cop try arrest indecent exposure. Bruce Banner drive away and…
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A Message About the TPP from The Incredible Hulk

H. Seitz August 24, 2017 0 Editorial China, Europe, Gulf of Aden, Hulk, Red Sea, Suez Canal, TPP, Trans-Pacific Partnership

Since Roman Empire, Indian Ocean key to trade between Europe, Asia and Middle East. Suez canal and Red Sea vital strategic entry points. This why Yemen, Gulf of Aden, key to international trade. Even ancient Hulks know, control vital trade route key to control or at least stabilize world. By abandoning TPP, current administration compromising influence and stability in region. China likely to fill vacuum. Strategic and financial loyalty move from US to China. In already unstable, fractured world, now not time to cut all ties. Hulk no foreign policy wonk, but flawed as TPP, world still better when nation have vested interest in other nation, when nation talk and work and compromise. Hulk say improve flaw of TPP, not abandon. Maybe Hulk solution not perfect, Hulk mind scattered, sometimes like two minds. Hulk wake up, Hulk not know how or why Hulk get here. But message still clear. In…
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A Message about Social Media from The Incredible Hulk

H. Seitz August 20, 2017 0 Editorial Bizarro, Donald Trump, Facebook, flat earther, Hulk, pro-Trump, social media, Solomon Grundy

When Hulk begin on Book of Faces, Hulk happy to reconnect with old monster friends, many not see since high school. But Hulk notice more time on Book of Faces, sadder Hulk get. Many old friends change bad. Solomon Grundy half monster before, but now complete zombie monster, speak worse than Hulk, can only scream “Grundy!”. He vote for Donald Trump, always post pro-Trump, make Hulk very sad. Bizarro same. Bizarro also vote Trump and now flat earther. Bizarro literally fly around earth, but insist earth flat. Hulk understand old friend still old friend even if crazy now, but Hulk realize Book of Faces no substitute real life connection. Monsters grow, change, keep old monster friends, but also need new. Sometimes, Hulk sit alone with voice in head. Voice tell Hulk okay to take walk, read book, spend Hulk time with Hulk. Hulk ramble, but message still clear. Social media…
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A Message to Climate Deniers from The Incredible Hulk

H. Seitz August 13, 2017 0 Editorial climate change, Hulk

A Message to Climate Change Deniers from The Incredible Hulk Scientific evidence convince Hulk man made climate change real. Hulk no expert, but Hulk separate raging emotion from reason long enough to be objective. Consensus among scientists nearly unanimous. Researchers and methodology sound. Good track record of responsible scientific inquiry. And Hulk once ate scientist, can feel him inside now, helping Hulk think. Banner. Name Banner. Climate change issue too complex to change mind of denier. Even argument about pollution too complex. Denier will argue manufacturing solar panels, wind turbines, also pollutes, and this true, but mostly one time pollution, and in long run, much less than always fire of gasoline and coal. But too complex, so Hulk go to most simple reality. Gasoline running out. Soon all gasoline all consumed by fire. So alternative necessary if want to preserve semblance of modern life. Forgive awkward prose, mind of Hulk…
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A Message to Anti-Vaxxers from The Incredible Hulk

H. Seitz August 6, 2017 0 Editorial Anti-vaxxer, Hulk

Hulk share story now. Listen to Hulk. Very sad story. Papa Hulk, he fight from wheelchair. Very awkward. No polio vaccine in days of Papa Hulk. He drown in swimming pool. Polio bad. But before die, Papa Hulk made sure Baby Hulk, me, get vaccine. Before, polio, diphtheria, measles, mumps, rubella, rampant. Now, no. Hulk apologize for typos and grammar. Hands too big for keyboard and mind consumed by rage. But message still clear. Disease bad, vaccine good.

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