Tag Archive: Bones
The Skull Island Times > Bones
H. Seitz
August 19, 2019
Divine Advice
Amanda Seyfried, Bones, Borg, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Chekov, Christoph Waltz, Death of a Salesman, Destiny Turns on the Radio, Ferengi, George Takei, Jackie Brown, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Jason, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Klingon, Leo, Leonardo DiCaprio, Mr. Sulu, Ohura, Pam Grier, Quentin Tarantino, Samuel L. Jackson, Simon Pegg, Spock, Star Trek, Untitled Star Trek Project, William Shatner
Dear DA, You’re probably aware of the controversy surrounding my latest movie, you being the all-seeing, all-knowing bane of humanity (no offense). Basically, a short scene depicts Bruce Lee acting like an asshole and getting his ass kicked by a lowly stuntman. They’re just aching to call me a racist for it, but they can’t because of Jackie Brown. Some other people, or probably the same people, are complaining that the women don’t get enough lines. They want to call me a male chauvinist pig, but Jackie Brown comes through again. First of all, this is a fictional movie. Fiction. And it isn’t like I didn’t do my research. Bruce Lee said a lot of arrogant crap about beating up Cassius Clay, and he really did get an attitude adjustment from a stuntman skilled in the martial arts. It isn’t like I portrayed Bruce Lee getting his ass kicked by…
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H. Seitz
August 12, 2019
Divine Advice
Bill Clinton, Bones, Charmed, Harvey Weinstein, House of Cards, Jeffrey Epstein, Jesus Christ, Karl Marx, Kevin Spacey, Lenin, Nine Lives, Satan, Supernatural, The Devil
Dear DA, You’d think that being universally reviled would be liberating—once everybody hates you anyway, why not say and do whatever you want? But it’s actually the opposite. I’ll probably be on eggshells for the rest of my life. I wanted to wait until a better time to write in, as I don’t want to seem any more self-centered than I already do, but there will never be a better time, just like it’ll always be too early to politicize mass shootings because by the time it isn’t, there’s been another one. Or two. We all know how it goes at this point. Mass shooting, thoughts and prayers, gun sale the next business day, and we all shrug our shoulders and forget about it until the next one. Correct me if I’m wrong, but none of these guys has any girlfriends or wives. They’re like sexually frustrated junior high kids…
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H. Seitz
July 10, 2018
Movies and Television, Reviews
Bones, Charmed, David Boreanaz, Emily Deschanel, The Closer, TNT, Zooey Deschanel
Bones TV-MA Bones is the kind of show you leave on in the background while vacuuming. It will live on in syndication forever because housewives and the unemployed need something to distract themselves from the sad state of affairs they call existence. Instead of getting drunk or looking for a job, they can just turn on TNT and phase out until suppertime. And then get drunk. I made it through season one of Bones and I still have no idea what it’s about. Like Charmed, The Closer, and most TNT fare, Bones is hypnotic in its banality. Even when they’re doing something that should be interesting, like discovering a corpse or chasing down a bad guy, it’s bland. I keep expecting one of them to ask me to switch to Splenda or try H&R Block’s accounting software. David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel have all the chemistry of an ant…
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