Tag Archive: Charmed
The Skull Island Times > Charmed
H. Seitz
August 12, 2019
Divine Advice
Bill Clinton, Bones, Charmed, Harvey Weinstein, House of Cards, Jeffrey Epstein, Jesus Christ, Karl Marx, Kevin Spacey, Lenin, Nine Lives, Satan, Supernatural, The Devil
Dear DA, You’d think that being universally reviled would be liberating—once everybody hates you anyway, why not say and do whatever you want? But it’s actually the opposite. I’ll probably be on eggshells for the rest of my life. I wanted to wait until a better time to write in, as I don’t want to seem any more self-centered than I already do, but there will never be a better time, just like it’ll always be too early to politicize mass shootings because by the time it isn’t, there’s been another one. Or two. We all know how it goes at this point. Mass shooting, thoughts and prayers, gun sale the next business day, and we all shrug our shoulders and forget about it until the next one. Correct me if I’m wrong, but none of these guys has any girlfriends or wives. They’re like sexually frustrated junior high kids…
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H. Seitz
July 17, 2018
Movies and Television, Reviews
Alyssa Milano, Charmed, Chewbacca, Clash of the Titans, Ivan Drago, Rocky Balboa, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Stygian witches, Thanos
Charmed 2018 TV-MA Imagine the original Charmed minus the hot women and exposed midriffs and voila: you have Charmed, a reboot so uninspired it doesn’t even have a colon followed by a description like Charmed: We’re Out of Ideas or Charmed: That Show Your Ex-Girlfriend Used to Make You Watch. They made one of the witches a lesbian activist this time because nowadays, everyone is a lesbian. Thanos is a lesbian, Chewbacca is a lesbian, even Rocky Balboa is somehow a lesbian (Ivan Drago was always a lesbian). If you don’t have bare midriffs or Alyssa Milano, you have to have lesbians so they can make out with each other. And in 2018, forcing young girls to make out on camera is considered to be empoweringly titillating, rather than exploitative. Watching Charmed, I became nostalgic for the blind Stygian witches in Clash of the Titans and the three batty witches…
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H. Seitz
July 10, 2018
Movies and Television, Reviews
Bones, Charmed, David Boreanaz, Emily Deschanel, The Closer, TNT, Zooey Deschanel
Bones TV-MA Bones is the kind of show you leave on in the background while vacuuming. It will live on in syndication forever because housewives and the unemployed need something to distract themselves from the sad state of affairs they call existence. Instead of getting drunk or looking for a job, they can just turn on TNT and phase out until suppertime. And then get drunk. I made it through season one of Bones and I still have no idea what it’s about. Like Charmed, The Closer, and most TNT fare, Bones is hypnotic in its banality. Even when they’re doing something that should be interesting, like discovering a corpse or chasing down a bad guy, it’s bland. I keep expecting one of them to ask me to switch to Splenda or try H&R Block’s accounting software. David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel have all the chemistry of an ant…
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