Divine Advice For Natalie Portman

H. Seitz February 17, 2020 0 Divine Advice Jesus, Natalie Portman, Rose McGowan, Satan, Scary Movie

Dear DA, Sigh. Okay. Here we go. I was criticized by Rose McGowan for wearing a cape with ladies’ names on it while, according to her, not working with enough ladies. The cape itself costs over $15,000.00, or a few grand over the US poverty line, but don’t worry, I didn’t have to pay for it. When you’re a millionaire like me or Rose McGowan used to be, people just give you shit like fancy capes for free. Thinking about her criticism, I realized it’s technically true, I don’t give a shit, and look at fucking Rose McGowan! How is she an advertisement for working with anyone even remotely like her? Obviously just having a vagina is enough to make you a raging bald-headed harpy who is offended at everything. You don’t do anything and you’re an asshole, you try to do something and it isn’t enough, you try to…
Read more

Share this post:

Divine Advice For Harvey Weinstein 2

H. Seitz February 3, 2020 0 Divine Advice Comic Book Guy, Harvey Weinstein, Rose McGowan, Salma Hayek, Simpsons, Snoopy, Terry Crews

Original photo by David Shankbone

Dear DA, I’m nearly 70 and look about 100, like a half-inflated Snoopy balloon. Have you seen me shuffling in and out of court all hunched down and broken over my walker? I can’t even lift one entire foot off the ground anymore. This ordeal has taken a toll on me. At first, I was faking the shuffling and drooling, but I’ve got to tell you, the collective wrath of a small portion of people on Twitter and Facebook is really demoralizing, even for a self-centered bastard like me. The thing is, we’re all self-centered bastards, including all the chicks I banged. They wanted to be stars and were willing to go through me to make their Hollywood dreams come true, quid pro quo. I won’t live to see any of the legal ramifications of my actions, and looking back on this sordid adventure, it was worth it. At first,…
Read more

Share this post:

Divine Advice For Brett Kavanaugh

H. Seitz October 22, 2018 0 Divine Advice Bio Dome, Brett Kavanaugh, Charles Nelson Reilly, Christine Blasey Ford, Clarence Thomas, Donald Trump, Donna Rice, HBO, Hitler, human centipede, Jesus Christ, Lindsey Graham, Milo Yiannopoulos, Porky Pig, Ronald McDonald, Rose McGowan, Satan, Scott Baio, Stephen Baldwin, Supreme Court, Zac Efron

Dear DA, I always thought those crazy SJWs screaming that America is a patriarchy were out of their minds, but now, I’m not so sure. Take me for example. 20 million people watched my hearing on TV. I lied, I was histrionic, I was basically obviously full of shit. And I’m in. And the same thing happened to Clarence Thomas. At least for the presidency, or at least until Trump, any little thing might have been enough to sink you. Like Donna Rice sitting on your lap or some nonsense about swift boats. It didn’t even have to be true. Maybe they were a little too fussy back then, but nowadays, we’ve gone too far, and I’m saying this as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States of America. When will this nonsense end? Trump could nominate Ronald McDonald to run the Food and Drug Administration…
Read more

Share this post:

Tag Archive: Rose McGowan