Tag Archive: The Oscars
The Skull Island Times > The Oscars
H. Seitz
February 18, 2019
Divine Advice
Academy Awards, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, AOC, Donald Trump, Jesus, Jimmy Kimmel, Kevin Hart, Robert De Niro, Satan, social justice warriors, The Oscars, Wanda Sykes
Dear DA, Am I hosting the Oscars? I thought that little black guy was supposed to do it. Ah, some old homophobic tweets turned up, so he’s out and I’m in. Wait a second. I just called him a little black guy. Is that racist? Like bad enough to get me replaced? I’m really kind of unprepared. I wasn’t even sure if they still did the Oscars. It seems like calling whatshisface a little black guy is okay. Kevin Hart. I just looked it up. Like most people, I’m totally reliant on my phone. If my phone told me that Aliens and Predators had invaded and to hide in the forest, I would probably hide in the forest. You can’t get cell reception out there, so I’d never know when it was safe to come out. I really don’t want to do this Oscars thing. You can tell I’m not…
Read more
H. Seitz
February 11, 2019
Divine Advice
Academy Awards, Eminem, Kevin Hart, Seth Rogen, The Interview, The Oscars
Dear Divine Advice, So, in case you haven’t heard, the world somehow found out that I used to be homophobic. I have no idea how everyone knows, but they do. And nobody seems to be giving me credit for becoming less homophobic once I got famous with a mainstream audience. Why can’t they accept my half-ass apology? Is it because I haven’t made it clear as to whether or not I’m actually homophobic? Problem is, if I’m honest about this stuff, I don’t think the world will let me go on being famous. And there’s still a lot more money I want to make. I thought about doing what Eminem did in that forgettable Seth Rogen movie The Interview. You know that scene where he’s being interviewed and he implies that, despite being famously homophobic throughout most of his career, he himself is gay? The thing is, I don’t think…
Read more
