Tag Archive: The Da Vinci Code
The Skull Island Times > The Da Vinci Code
RK Galaga
February 1, 2021
Divine Advice
Big, Bill Clinton, Bosom Buddies, Dogma, Hilary Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Jesus Christ, Kevin Smith, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Paul Bettany, Philadelphia, Pizzagate, qanon, Satan, The Da Vinci Code, Tom Hanks
Dear Divine Advice, I’m writing to you today to ask for strength. Last night, I watched the movie Big hoping to find secret proof of Tom Hanks’s involvement with QAnon, but the exact opposite happened. Instead, I found myself rooting for Tom and hoping for his safe return to suburban life. In the film, he’s actually a victim of pedophilia, not the perpetrator. I know it’s pretty common for abusers to have been abused themselves, so the story should have actually reinforced the theory. The problem is Hanks was just so damn likable, and it has caused me to question everything. If Q can be wrong about the most Hollywood man in Hollywood, who else could he be wrong about? I woke up in a cold sweat this morning from a dream that I was having a pleasant brunch with none other than Hillary Clinton herself. Hillary Clinton! The worst…
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H. Seitz
March 4, 2019
Divine Advice
Dan Brown, Florida, Jesus Christ, Jupiter, Mary Magdalene, New England Patriots, New York Giants, Robert Kraft, Satan, Super Bowl, The Da Vinci Code, Tom Brady
Dear DA, What the fuck? Isn’t prostitution legal? I mean I know it isn’t technically “legal”, but it’s everywhere. Everyone knows it. What do you think those ads for personal escorts are for? Jesus Christ. And what the hell is with these young people today? I’ve never seen a bigger bunch of busy-bodied tattletales. They’re worse than the Catholic church. For the love of God what a bunch of fucking prudes. So no prostitutes allowed is what they’re saying? That I’m “exploiting” women? That hooker cost me five large, so who exactly is exploiting who? Don’t get me wrong, she was worth every penny. My wife, God bless her soul, is dead. And do you know how many women are interested in having an honest, meaningful relationship with a 77 year-old billionaire? I’ll tell you how many: zero. And I don’t blame them. They want a relationship with the billions…
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