Tag Archive: Santa Claus
The Skull Island Times > Santa Claus
H. Seitz
November 11, 2019
Divine Advice
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dana Carvey, Danny DeVito, Hanz and Franz, Jesus Christ, Kevin Nealon, Killing Gunther, Mackenzie Davis, Maria Shriver, Santa Claus, Satan, Saturday Night Live, Terminator Dark Fate, The Devil, The Expendables 4, Twins
Dear DA, I can not believe it that the Terminator Dark Fate can not make any of the money even with me as the Terminator. Maybe it is too sad for the people to see the terminator old and flabby and it is foolish to make the Mackenzie Davis into the teenage boy when she is so much better dressed as the female. The Expendables 4 will make even less of the money because Danny DeVito is my twin and the villain. Do communion wafers have a lot of carbs? I want to accept Jesus Christ into my heart but am afraid of the carbs. What do you do for other people with dietary restrictions? I see on the internet there are vegan communion wafers, but they are $14 for a small box. Wouldn’t it be better to give that money to the homeless? Or take them to see the…
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H. Seitz
March 5, 2018
Divine Advice
Anita Sarkeesian, Anne Hathaway, Atari 2600, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Jesus, Megyn Kelly, Ms. Pac-man, Santa Claus, Satan
Dear DA, Our country is torn apart like never before (except for maybe the Civil War), but our biggest problem by far is sexy female butts in video games. It starts with the video games, but before you know it they’re out on the streets, staring at butts. So many sexy butts in yoga pants and miniskirts, white stockings to the mid thigh, black leather boots just above the knees. They become obsessed with female butts. So much so it becomes the most important thing in their lives. Almost like a crusade. An insane crusade to dominate and constrain the female butt. To tell the female butt where it does and does not belong and how it’s supposed to dress and behave not only in public, but even in the privacy of its own home or bathroom or phone. These butts are unrealistic because they’re too realistic. Most butts don’t…
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