Tag Archive: Richard Gere
The Skull Island Times > Richard Gere
H. Seitz
March 2, 2020
Divine Advice
Amy Schumer, Anna Kendrick, Jesus, Kristen Stewart, Richard Gere, Satan, Twilight
Dear DA, You can tell by my sharp weaselly little face that I’m a crazy bitch, which makes me great in the sack but a nightmare to deal with. I expect perfection. Nothing but the best for me. And why won’t the dentist just let me use the children’s size x-rays? It makes absolutely no sense. It’s not like it makes him a pedophile or anything. Because of my diminutive size (which I hate other people pointing out btw), I’m forced/blessed to wear a lot of children’s clothing. Children’s shoes have really come a long way, as has their underwear. You’d think it might freak a guy out but nothing freaks those perverts out. As long as I keep putting out I can be a completely crazy bitch almost 24/7. All I need to do is tell them “I know I’m crazy, but I just can’t control myself.” I say…
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H. Seitz
July 10, 2017
Divine Advice
climate change, CNN, Donald Trump, Erin Brockovich, global warming, Jesus, Julia Roberts, Pretty Woman, Richard Gere, Satan
Dear Divine Advice, Global Warming or Climate Change or whatever you want to call it (a turd by any other name is still a turd) is obviously a hoax perpetuated by greedy scientists and China to emasculate coal workers and slander oil companies, companies run and staffed by The Great Americans who make modern life possible. You can’t fertilize oats and barley without gasoline, and no oats and barley would mean no beer and no steak. What are you going to feed a cow, solar panels? And what am I supposed to drink, fucking soy milk? This is ridiculous, I shouldn’t even have to ask, but I need you guys to set the record straight for all those anti-American, anti-cow peaceniks out there. Sincerely, Julia Roberts PS: I also hate Mexicans. Dear Julia Roberts, It sounds to me like you’re still bitter about Kiefer Sutherland cheating on you with that…
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