Divine Advice for Matt Damon 9
Dear Divine Advice, Who the hell is this Jesse Plemons character? He keeps stealing roles from me, and even worse, people are mistaking him for me! I mean look at the guy, all bloated with his potato-shaped head, puffy cheeks, and disgusting beer gut. I do all of my own stunts (well, some of them) and that guy couldn’t jump over a fire hydrant. I just did a google search of the guy and my name and picture come up with his–people think we look alike. This is the worst day of my life. Katy Perry and Zooey whatsherface, I can see the resemblance. Except for the knockers, they’re basically the same person, and all hot women look the same to me because I’m progressive. I don’t see color or gender, only hotness. I’m so progressive I support fucking mannequins, because it’s more environmentally friendly than building sex robots. You…
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