Tag Archive: Elf

Divine Advice For Katy Perry

Dear DA, I started out as a blow-up sex doll my father bought from a little porn shop in Santa Barbara, but I prayed really hard and a magic fairy turned me into a real little girl. This made things really awkward for my family, especially my dad. They’re all like super religious, but like most religious people, they’re also enormous hypocrites, so everything worked out alright in the end. At least until now. No one cares about Katy Perry anymore. I was worried about those Japanese sex robots. You know how the Japanese love karaoke? It’s only a matter of time before they build a karaoke machine into a sex robot and BAM!–you basically have Katy Perry or Keisha or any of us really. But it turns out I’m already obsolete. I guess I should be grateful I made it as long as I did. I am 34, which…
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