Tag Archive: Caitlyn Jenner

Divine Advice For Luis Elizondo

Dear Divine Advice, Thanks to a wacky provision some QAnon-friendly Republicans on the Senate Intelligence Committee snuck into the COVID relief bill, the Pentagon now has to declassify all of their UFO documents on June 1st. That means us UFO nuts have just a few more days to cash in on this before the report reveals what we already know: that it’s all just camera artifacts, Russian drones, and NAVY pilots looking to get discharged by sounding crazy. So far, I’ve appeared on 1,247 podcasts, but because of COVID, there haven’t been any UFO cons to speak at. Obviously, I’m writing a book, but there’s no way I’m going to be able to publish it before June 1st. Sure, the hardcore nutters will still buy it after that, but I won’t get the promotional bump from the mainstream media, which will surely stop its coverage once the report comes out.…
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Divine Advice For Andrew Yang 2

Dear Divine Advice, Recently, I had an epiphany: the best way to win the election for mayor of NYC is to become Mike Bloomberg. So far it seems to be working. Some of my more progressive supporters got a little pissed off about my Israel comments, but what can I say? There are more Jews in NY than Muslims, and the Jews have more money. Of course, my stance on the Middle East has no real policy implications within the city, but it’s an issue that matters to certain donors whose asses I need to kiss, and I said what I had to say for their endorsement. The truth is, I don’t really give a shit about what’s happening over there. My other Bloomberg-like policy idea is a little more consequential and a little more controversial because it’s about crime. The rest of the country might not have noticed this,…
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