Tag Archive: Alden Ehrenreich
The Skull Island Times > Alden Ehrenreich
H. Seitz
May 6, 2019
Divine Advice
Alden Ehrenreich, Big Foot, Carrie Fisher, Chewbacca, Chewy, Emma Watson, George Lucas, Harrison Ford, Hayden Christensen, J.J. Abrams, James Earl Jones, Kenny Baker, Loch Ness Monster, Mark Hamill, Michael Jordan, Nessie, Peter Mayhew, R2-D2, Rian Johnson, Shaq, Shaquille O'Neal, Star Wars, Yeti
Dear DA, I’ve lived a long, happy life and all I had to do was dress up as Chewbacca every other decade or so. I didn’t even have to talk or grunt. All of those Chewbacca noises are combinations of lions, bears, and a constipated George Lucas trying to squeeze one out. You know that sad, resigned little wail Chewbacca does? That’s George when he looks down into the toilet bowl after straining for two hours and sees a turd about the size and consistency of a brown M&M. Another bit of Star Wars trivia: George played the black Ewok, and he sometimes filled in for Kenneth George Baker when the R2D2 can got too hot. Kenneth told me he sometimes found little brown M&Ms in there afterward, they were a bit melted but free chocolate is free chocolate. I never had the heart to tell him. Dying is never…
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RK Galaga
July 2, 2018
Divine Advice
Alden Ehrenreich, Bossk, Carrie Fisher, Disney, George Lucas, Han Solo, Harrison Ford, IG-88, J.J. Abrams, Jabba the Hutt, Jar Jar Binks, Jesus, Leia, Obi Wan Kenobi, Rian Johnson, Rogue One, Satan, Solo: A Star Wars Story, Star Trek, The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi, Trekkie
Dear Divine Advice, I think I ruined Star Wars. What should I do? Sincerely, Alden Ehrenreich Dear Alden Ehrenreich, You know what? You did ruin Star Wars. You want my advice? Go to a fuckin’ zoo and feed yourself to a Wookiee. Or a tiger—I’m so angry right now, I don’t remember which one of those is real. I created a lot of animals, but there were also blueprints for some that never got made. Over the years, I’ve gone and put some of those rejects in movie scripts. Not directly, of course. I use a process I like to call Divine Osmosis. I whisper bits of ideas to writers while they’re sleeping or drunk. I don’t pretend to be much of a writer myself—at least not until recently. I’m actually the One who wrote the screenplay for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. It wasn’t easy for me to let…
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RK Galaga
May 16, 2018
Movies and Television, Reviews
A New Hope, Alden Ehrenreich, American Graffiti, Beanie Babies, Bespin, Billy Hoyle, Capt. Kirk, Chewbacca, Chewie, Chris Pine, Chris Pratt, Clint Eastwood, Cloud City, Coen Brothers, Donald Glover, Ethan Coen, George Lucas, Hail Caesar!, Han Solo, Harrison Ford, Henry Fonda, Jabba the Hutt, James Stewart, Jawas, JJ Abrams, Joel Coen, John Wayne, Lando Calrissian, Millennium Falcon, Paul Le Mat, Ponda Baba, Repo Man, Richard Dreyfus, Robot Chicken, Ron Howard, Shia LaBeouf, Sidney Deane, Solo: A Star Wars Story, Star Wars, Storm Troopers, Walrus Man, White Men Can't Jump, Woody Harrelson
Solo: A Star Wars Story is the movie everyone was asking for but nobody really wanted. And why wouldn’t a Star Wars fan want a Han Solo origin story? Because they know what to expect from Disney’s desperate pandering. Focusing on the western film genre influences in Star Wars, Solo casts Alden Ehrenreich in the title role. This is undoubtedly due to his previous role as a goofy cowboy who can’t act in the Coen brothers film Hail, Caesar! Fan reactions to this choice were mostly negative. In discussions of who would have been better, many names are thrown around, including Chris Pratt (too obvious), Chris Pine (Capt. Kirk, really?), and Shia LaBeouf (seems like they weren’t even trying). In my opinion, all of those guys would have sucked, too. Clint Eastwood was the best cowboy of all time and therefore would have made the best young Han Solo. James Stewart’s…
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