Movie Review- G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Ryan Klemek March 8, 2013 0 Movies and Television, Reviews Bruce Willis, Channing Tatum, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Ray Parker Jr., Wayans Brothers

I wish this was a review about a movie I made up, but unfortunately G.I.Joe: Retaliation actually exists. True story: a couple of years ago, I was contracted by Hasbro through Kaiju Big Battel to act in a demo film by one of the G.I. Joe toy developers. Apparently, he wanted his latest action figure to appear in the sequel, and that’s how I learned there would be a follow-up to the horrible G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. I doubt that the designer’s toy ever saw the light of day, and I hope nobody but his immediate boss saw the silly movie we made. Luckily I was wearing a ski mask the whole time, so nobody will recognize me if it ever shows up on Youtube. There are some “fat kid with a light sabre” moments in there that aren’t quite absurd enough to be entertaining. Luckily, it was an…
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Movie Review: Tyler Perry’s The Thundercats

RK Galaga May 2, 2011 0 Movies and Television, Reviews Ben Affleck, Cedric Yarbrough, Janet Jackson, Kevin Smith, Lamman Rucker, Martin Lawrence, Neil Patrick Harris, Thundercats, Tyler Perry

We knew there would be a live-action ThunderCats movie eventually. How could there not be? What surprised everyone, however, was just how badly Tyler Perry wanted to make this. Even more surprising is that the only part NOT given to an African-American actor was the part of Panthro, portrayed in the film by Neil Patrick Harris. Perry was not prepared for Harris to steal the show once again as he did in Undercover Brother, but that’s what makes the film so fresh and hip. Casting himself in his Medea persona as Mumm-Ra was a stroke of genius, and no less brilliant was his casting of Martin Lawrence in his Big Mama make-up as Lion-O. As not to let down his die-hard fans, Perry rounds out the rest of the cast with his go-to actors from his other popular films. Janet Jackson is a stunning vision of Cheetara, Lamman Rucker brings…
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Movie Review: Goonies vs. The Ghostbusters

RK Galaga July 27, 2010 0 Movies and Television, Reviews Bill Murray, Corey Feldman, Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson, Ghostbusters, Goonies, John C. Reilly, Josh Brolin, Ke Huy Quan

I’m going to cut to the chase here. Goonies vs. Ghostbusters is probably the best movie I have ever seen in my entire life. Unfortunately, because of contractual disputes, I may be the only person who ever gets to see it. As we were leaving his private screening room, director Sean Astin told me he plans to burn the only copy of the film before Hollywood big wigs can get their mitts on it. He fought hard to keep every brilliant, yet controversial word of Dan Ackroyd’s screenplay, and he was not about to let the studio dumb things down for mainstream audiences. Because this masterpiece will be destroyed before it ever sees the light of day, I can give a detailed account without worrying about spoilers. Let’s start with the cast. On the Goonies side, Astin returns as Mikey, with Josh Brolin, Ke Huy Quan, Kerry Green, and Martha…
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