Tag Archive: Smokey the Bear

Divine Advice for Smokey the Bear

Dear DA, Fire is a mystery to everyone. Is it alive? Is it an element? Nobody knows. When the US Forest Service picked me, I told them I was skeptical about my ability to prevent forest fires or even interact with humans at all in a non-confrontational way. Humans always come into the forest with food, and to bears, they’re kind of walking food to begin with. Our first impulse is to open them like fortune cookies and find out what’s inside. Maybe there’s fire inside of them, which I’m supposed to prevent. It’s a big world out there, so I established a coalition of fire prevention bears. If one bear is good, more bears are better, right? Fozzie Bear was in charge of Australia, but I don’t know what happened to him. Judging from the news, I’d guess it was probably something fire-related. Even if he’s still alive (who…
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