Tag Archive: Philadelphia
The Skull Island Times > Philadelphia
RK Galaga
February 1, 2021
Divine Advice
Big, Bill Clinton, Bosom Buddies, Dogma, Hilary Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Jesus Christ, Kevin Smith, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Paul Bettany, Philadelphia, Pizzagate, qanon, Satan, The Da Vinci Code, Tom Hanks
Dear Divine Advice, I’m writing to you today to ask for strength. Last night, I watched the movie Big hoping to find secret proof of Tom Hanks’s involvement with QAnon, but the exact opposite happened. Instead, I found myself rooting for Tom and hoping for his safe return to suburban life. In the film, he’s actually a victim of pedophilia, not the perpetrator. I know it’s pretty common for abusers to have been abused themselves, so the story should have actually reinforced the theory. The problem is Hanks was just so damn likable, and it has caused me to question everything. If Q can be wrong about the most Hollywood man in Hollywood, who else could he be wrong about? I woke up in a cold sweat this morning from a dream that I was having a pleasant brunch with none other than Hillary Clinton herself. Hillary Clinton! The worst…
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H. Seitz
November 27, 2017
Divine Advice
Antonio Banderas, Benicio del Toro, Bubba Gump Shrimp Company, Edward Saxon, Forrest Gump, Jesus, Jonathan Demme, OJ SImpson, Philadelphia, Satan, Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks
Dear Jesus and Satan, Looking back at my career, I’m a little bit panicked about how some of my previous roles might be interpreted nowadays. Especially with all of these scandals coming out of the woodwork. My first big break, I played a guy who pretended to be a transvestite (Can you pretend to be a transvestite? Doesn’t pretending to be one make you one?) so he could get cheap rent in a women’s dormitory and stalk Donna Dixon. Technically, I was pretending to be a woman, but still. It isn’t exactly a role that would make transvestites proud. But I’m not too worried about it because the show was never that big. What I am worried about is Forrest Gump. If I had known then what I know now, I would have insisted that a differently abled actor got the role. Pretending to be differently abled might be just…
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