Tag Archive: Captain America
The Skull Island Times > Captain America
H. Seitz
October 28, 2019
Divine Advice
Adam Driver, Al Pacino, Antman and the Wasp, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Cape Fear, Captain America, Citizen Kane, Daisy Ridley, Eugene Levy, Goodfellas, Iron Man, Joe Pesci, Keanu Reeves, Leonardo DiCaprio, Mad Magazine, Martin Scorsese, Marvel, Raging Bull, Robert De Niro, Rocky, Star Wars, The Age of Innocence, The Avengers, The Bicycle Thief, The Godfather, The Irishman, Thor: Ragnarok, Tigerbeat, Winona Ryder
Dear DA, Are you looking forward to Star Wars 9? That title sounds like a Mad Magazine parody. I’ve been tricked and let down so many times, I just don’t know if I can do it anymore. And why did they have to get a guy with such a weird face? For Christ’s sake, keep the helmet on! There are a lot of cute boys out there who’d be more than happy to shake it for The Mouse. They should’ve done what I do and gone through back issues of TigerBeat. That’s how I found Leo and Bobby DeNiro. If you can’t pull off a TigerBeat cover, what good are you? You think these people are paying to watch you act? You get up there and you shake it, boy, and that goes double for the ladies. Speaking of which, what kind of parents name their kid Daisy? There was…
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H. Seitz
November 12, 2018
Divine Advice
Al Roker, Aquaman, Batman, Beyonce, Captain America, Don Lemon, Goulies, Hitler, Jesus, John Legend, John Lennon, Johnny Storm, Namor, Nazis, Satan, Stan Winston, Superman, Teddy Ruxpin, The Beatles, the Human Torch, The Invaders, The Submariner, WOnder Woman, Yoko Ono
Dear DA, I’ve taken some heat recently for pointing out that whenever there’s a mass shooting, it’s almost always a crazy white guy who’s responsible. It’s the same with terrorism. You hear about a terrorist attack and you automatically assume that Muslims are involved because 99% of the time, they are. Is it racist to notice? According to SJWs, I’m definitely racist against Muslims, but I can’t be racist against whites. To be racist against whites, I’d have to take a vacation to some country in Africa where black people are in charge. Power + prejudice = racism. It works the same way for Superman. He can be racist against anyone, except for when he’s exposed to kryptonite. This is why Superman always goes off on anti-Semitic rants whenever he’s exposed to kryptonite. He finally has a chance to get it out of his system without technically being a racist.…
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