Tag Archive: Tom Hiddleston

Divine Advice For Saoirse Ronan/Steve Buscemi

Dear DA, The world is a sad, angry, and depressing place. It’s always been this way, but social media has made us 1000 times more aware of it. Occurrences that we might have barely heard about in the 80s or missed entirely are now instantly everywhere all the time. It’s inescapable. You can get off Facebook and Twitter and throw your phone into a volcano, then join the Merchant Marines and go AWOL on the most remote frozen wasteland known to man, and the first Eskimo you run into will ask you what you think about Donald Trump deporting the WNBA, and then tell you you’re a racist for not referring to him as an Inuit. You have to get woke, man! It’s all about girl power and female empowerment and rebooting Friends with Torres Strait Islanders who are lesbians. Torres Strait Islanders are the indigenous people of Australia. Don’t…
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Movie Review- Kong: Skull Island

Disclaimer: This website, The Skull Island Times, is in no way affiliated with the film reviewed below. Spoiler alert: King Kong doesn’t die in the end. That should be obvious—unless Kong was a zombie in the original 1933 film. Really, though, nothing is obvious these days. Thanks to directors such as J.J. Abrams, the lines between remake, reboot, prequel and sequel have become so blurred that anything can happen withwhat we once thought was canon. Anyway, rest assured, King Kong doesn’t die in Kong: Skull Island. But he does get amnesia after being bonked in the head by a giant coconut. Until that point in the film, Kong speaks with a British accent and aspires to move to Hollywood so he can become a movie star. However, after losing his smarts in the coconut accident, he only makes it as far as Detroit. This film is set in the 1970’s,…
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