Tag Archive: Mars
The Skull Island Times > Mars
H. Seitz
June 11, 2018
Divine Advice
Adolf Hitler, Big Foot, Blitzkrieg, Donald Trump, Elon Musk, Elvis, Jesus, JFK, Loch Ness Monster, Mars, Satan
Dear DA, Yes, they saved my brain. I’ve been monitoring the earth’s activities from my Nazi Martian Thunderdome and frankly, you people sicken me. Certain earth elements have been comparing me to Donald Trump, so I want to make it absolutely clear right here and right now that the comparison is invalid. To compare me to that draft dodging, fat assed, Russian piss hound buffoon! I got a medical deferral, but I forced my way into serving anyway, I was on the front lines of WW1! I was awarded two Iron Crosses for valor. Zwei! When I see that fat orange baboon blabbering away I want to kick him in the stomach and stomp on his face until his face and his stomach switch places and he looks like the pink, bloated balloon man he is! VERDAMMT SOHN EINER HUNDEN ARSHGEIGE FLACHWICHSER! I hate him! When I get back to…
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H. Seitz
January 8, 2018
Divine Advice
Elon Musk, Jesus, Mars, Satan, The Devil
Ever since I was a small child growing up in South Africa I’ve always wanted to get off this planet. Nowadays, I want to leave even more. NASA frustrates me. The public and the government frustrate me. They have this ridiculous obsession with bringing everyone back alive that’s been holding us back for decades. Even now, with my own spaceships, I’m faced with the same obstacle. I’ve made my ships safer, but people are still afraid to go up. I’ve tried calling these people cowards and that didn’t work either. I even tried triple-dog-daring them to go to Mars, but the psychologists decided that anyone who took the dare is too crazy to make decisions for themselves. My cold robotic intellect tells me that if I can’t leave the earth, my only other option is to destroy it. You’d think it be easy to do. Humanity is basically doing it…
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