Tag Archive: Adam
The Skull Island Times > Adam
Bridget McCrea
October 8, 2018
Divine Advice
Adam, Dairy Queen, Eve, Genesis, Lena Dunham
Dear Lilith, As the OG feminist I’m sure you can relate, yo. I really just need someone to kind of vent on,you know? I think it’s so sexist that as far as God’s concerned, I’m like just part of some dude’s rib. That’s fucked up. Sexually molesting your (literally) baby sister and murdering a homeless man just because he wanted a piece of fried chicken is fine, because meat is murder and I’m a vegan, but this whole rib thing, it isn’t even vegan! Couldn’t God have given women a vegan option? Like maybe made us out of vegetables? They do it at Dairy Queen. The lady there told me you can get vegan ice cream wrapped in vegan bacon. They make it out of seaweed or something. It’s a thing. The New You, Lena Dunham Dearest Lena, Millenia have passed and you’re supposed to be a prime example of…
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Bridget McCrea
September 17, 2018
Divine Advice
Adam, Jesus Christ, Lilith, Michael J. Fox, Nyx, Spartacus, Teen Wolf
Dear DA, You live in a big city like NY, you eventually see dopplegangers of everyone. A guy who looks exactly like that idiot from high school, except hairier balls, or a woman who looks just like Scarlett Johansson, except 300 pounds. I watch a lot of porn. I’m the kind of guy, I watch porn while I’m eating breakfast. So I’m watching this video yesterday and I see a guy who looks just like me. He made noises like me, screamed like me, made the same little stupid grunts and whimpers. It’s like when you hear a recording of your voice for the first time. It doesn’t sound like you to you, but you get the creepy feeling in your brain that it is you. I got the same feeling watching this guy. I knew it was me, but how could it be? Making a porn video seems like…
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