Author Archive: W. Domergue
The Skull Island Times > Articles by: W. Domergue
W. Domergue
March 19, 2018
Divine Advice
Gisele Bündchen, Jesus, NFL, Paleo Diet, Robert Kraft, Satan, Super Bowl, Tom Brady, Vladimir Putin
Dear Divine Advice, I don’t know what to do. My husband is probably going to get fired from his celebrity sports job and that will mean less spotlight for me. Do you know how many people watch the Super Bowl and Patriot games in general? Well of course you do – it’s a lot! I can’t imagine not being able to showboat on such a large platform. As you know, I gain my powers off feeling smug and superior this will put a major damper on everything I stand for. What else is there for me? I don’t breastfeed my kids anymore so I can’t tell be sanctimonious about that. Brigid Moynahan remarried and is actually happy so I can’t make fun of her and convince her son I’m better than her any longer. Chinbutt Tom won’t be working out as much anymore so I can’t put out ridiculous Paleo…
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W. Domergue
March 13, 2018
Food, Reviews
All-Bran Buds, Kellogg's
“The butt hurt cereal” This is supposed to be an article about my favorite cereal. It’s not. It’s about the funniest thing I ever saw on a cereal box. All Bran Bran Buds used to have this on the top flap (I think) of the box “A lighter, happier feeling is waiting for you inside” because you know, bran makes you poop…A LOT. And frequent, good poops are the new high. I never knew that saying was on there until my sister told me and then I seen it with my own eyes. It made me giggle and from then on I had a new appreciation for Kellogs. The bran buds taste like shit but they shared poop humor with me! But now, a few years later, there’s no more saying on the box. Why?? Did a bunch of tight-assed old ladies complain? Did Sanctimommies get their goddamned hands all…
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