Tag Archive: Trump

Divine Advice For Taylor Swift 3

Dear DA, I’ve had a good run for a musician, and I am a musician. And since my recent thickening, I’m one of the most fuckable women on earth. But I can’t help thinking timing has something to do with it. Every week since I’ve been born, and especially since I’ve been famous, something unbelievably awful happens. I got my first handjob on 9/11. My first demo, 1000 people died in Yemen. But to be fair, that happens, like, every week? Stock market crash 2008, my first period. Trump elected, my first strap-on. Coronavirus, my first kiss. I know that seems maybe out of order, but the South is different. So for the average millennial, all straight men, and 90% of women, it’s either look at the most recent weekly horror or look at Taylor Swift. I’m Taylor Swift, and I, like most even remotely self-aware people, hate myself, but…
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Divine Advice For Linda Hamilton

Dear DA, Does anyone actually give a shit about Terminator movies anymore? I get what they’re trying to do by hauling my withered old carcass front and center. I’m one of the OG “empowered” females. Nevermind that in Terminator 2 I was basically a demented gun nut with PTSD who had abandoned her child. I could have pretended to be sane and kept him, but my character was legitimately crazy by any metric. Even if there really were killer robots from the future, would you trust a woman like that to raise a child? Something about her screams “Trump supporter.” No one cares about the Star Wars movies either. I predict this Terminator movie, Star Wars 9 (9!), and the Avatar sequels are all going to suck. We’ve reached a point as a society where we have nothing new left to offer. We’re emotionally and culturally bankrupt. Movie plots are…
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Divine Advice For Linda Hamilton

Dear DA, Does anyone actually give a shit about Terminator movies anymore? I get what they’re trying to do by hauling my withered old carcass front and center. I’m one of the OG “empowered” females. Nevermind that in Terminator 2 I was basically a demented gun nut with PTSD who had abandoned her child. I could have pretended to be sane and kept him, but my character was legitimately crazy by any metric. Even if there really were killer robots from the future, would you trust a woman like that to raise a child? Something about her screams “Trump supporter.” No one cares about the Star Wars movies either. I predict this Terminator movie, Star Wars 9 (9!), and the Avatar sequels are all going to suck. We’ve reached a point as a society where we have nothing new left to offer. We’re emotionally and culturally bankrupt. Movie plots are…
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