Tag Archive: Richard NIxon

Divine Advice For AOC

Dear DA, Once I again, I’m the victim of the patriarchy. It’s ageism, pure and simple. They say I’m too young and I don’t know anything, but I’ve learned a few tricks from them. You may have noticed my new “glasses girl” look. Men are all perverts. If you’re a cute girl, anything you do is a fetish. If I ate a banana, I’d be “banana girl.” As “glasses girl”, I’m a double-whammy. I look smarter, and I’m also a fetish. People are pretty stupid to begin with, but if you sexually distract them, they become dumber than marionettes. As myself, I’m already a force to be reckoned with, but as “glasses girl”, I just might be unstoppable. Also, can you believe the nerve of that bitch Laura Ingraham trying to tell me how to pronounce my own fucking name? I’m not some pretentious hipster saying “Barthelona” instead of “Barcelona”,…
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Divine Advice For Woody Allen

Dear DA, I’m writing in to support my friend Harvey Weinstein. I know that what he was accused of doing was technically “wrong”, whatever that means, but let’s be honest here. Look at Harvey. Would any of these women (hell, would any woman?) even give him the time of day if he didn’t wield some sort of power over them? I feel sorry for the poor guy, it’s like being a kid in a candy shop, lookey lookey but no touchy. I can empathize with Harvey because I had a bit of a scandal myself a few years back. I know what I did was technically “unconventional”, but again, let’s be honest here. What guy doesn’t fantasize about adopting an Asian baby, raising her to near adulthood, and then dumping Mia Farrow for her? It’s like the ultimate fuck you to Mia Farrow, and I guess society, too. So who…
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