Tag Archive: Mike Tyson

Divine Advice for Neil Young

Dear Jesus and The Devil, After Spotify chose ratings and corporate profits over the truth, I realized there’s only one thing I can do to save America from all the deadly misinformation: I have to fight Joe Rogan. He has accepted my challenge, though, for some reason, I get the sense that he thinks I’m only kidding. Still, I’m planning on being at the “octagon,” (whatever the hell that is) at the agreed-upon day and time, ready to rumble. If he chooses not to show up, well then, the world will know that he’s nothing but a big ole’ coward. After reading his Wikipedia page, I see that he’s a black belt in a bunch of martial arts and is probably pretty good at fighting. I kind of wish I had read that before issuing the challenge, but it’s too late to back out now. Do you think you guys…
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Divine Advice For Jennifer Lawrence

Dear DA, My cat is slut-shaming me, and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m at my wit’s end. My cat’s name is Fluffy, she’s a good cat, she got pregnant once before I got her fixed so she should understand that these things happen, but she’s been such a bitch lately. I went out with Ron, who’s a pretty nice guy, it was our first date. Yes, I had sex with him, no big deal, it’s 2017, right? But when I got home, Fluffy kept judging me, she stared at me, like I was a whore. I told her it wasn’t polite to slut shame me like that and she just kept staring at me. I woke up the next morning and Fluffy was sitting my chest, staring at me. She opened her mouth and meowed at me, and I swear to God, the meow sounded like…
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