Tag Archive: John Cena

Divine Advice For Vince McMahon

Dear DA, You heard it here first. I, Vince McMahon, am running for President of the United States of America. Once Trump won, he showed crazy, rich, unqualified white guys everywhere that our dreams can come true, too. I’m just like Donald Trump, only younger, stronger, and more well-muscled. I may not be the president this country needs, but I’m the one it deserves. I even had my daughter abducted once. I’ve accomplished a lot in my life. I can bench press 450 pounds, I once ate 14 pounds of rotisserie chicken at the Country Time Buffet, and a for a few months in 2004, I was Batman. Every billionaire tries to be Batman at least once. Even Bill Gates tried it. Physically, he was pitiful, but he more than made up for it in sheer evil. If it wasn’t for Windows, we’d have a colony on Mars by now.…
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