Tag Archive: Good Will Hunting

Divine Advice For Matt Damon 10

Dear DA, I notice you chastising people for not asking questions, while at the same time you never bother to answer any of the questions anymore anyway. As a Catholic, I completely understand religion being full of hypocrisy and insane contradictions, but as me, Matt Damon, who isn’t really religious at all, I think it’s a crock, and that you guys are big jerks. You heard me—jerks. It took guts for me to open up and share all of my problems, and you never helped me at all. I still randomly scream “Monkeys!” by the way, thanks a lot for helping me out with that one, it’s only been two and a half years. My wife left me because of it, or at least that’s what she claims. It’s a pretty sweet deal for her. $100 million for writing and starring in that movie about janitors, the other one where…
Read more

Share this post:

Divine Advice For Matt Damon Part III

Dear DA, I read the letter from Tom Hanks last week and now I’m worried. If I had known then what I know now, I never would’ve played an Asian man. I would have insisted that a differently abled person got the role. The same with Good Will Hunting. Those guys are hard to find, especially one who’s an actor, but I would have insisted that Ben and I be replaced by real homosexuals. It was wrong for Ben Affleck and me, Matt Damon, who are both 100% heterosexual, to play gay people. And my lord and satan, what was I thinking doing Stuck on You? I should have insisted that real conjoined twins be attached to Greg Kinnear for six months. I might still insist on that now. Greg Kinnear is one of the most specially abled people I know. So of course I want you to help me…
Read more

Share this post: