Divine Advice For Key and Peele

H. Seitz November 18, 2019 0 Divine Advice Brooklyn 99, Cheech and Chong, Chelsea Peretti, Face/Off, Get Out, Jesus Christ, Jordan Peele, Keegan Michael Key, Key and Peele, Laurel and Hardy, Pitch Perfect, Satan, Terry Crews, The Devil

Original photo by Peabody Awards

Dear DA, Which one of us is which? I’m the short fat one, and I’m the tall skinny one. Let me explain. Or us explain. Both of us are writing this letter. We do everything together. We all always have, and maybe that’s a part of the problem. We grew up together, and it never really mattered who was who since we were always together anyway. But recently we started wondering about it, so we asked our friends, and none of them would give us a straight answer. Since we’re famous, we tried asking strangers, but none of them seemed to know for sure, either. Just tell us which one is the tall skinny one, or what his name is, or the name of the fat, shorter one. If you could tell us who both of us are, that’d be great, but as long as we know who one of…
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Divine Advice For Brie Larson

H. Seitz December 17, 2018 0 Divine Advice Amanda Heard, Amanda Peet, Amy Adams, Aquaman, Brie Larson, Captain Marvel, Disney, Get Out, Google, Hillary Clinton, Jenna Fisher, Jesus, Johnny Depp, Johnny Galecki, Justin Long, Margot Robbie, MCU, Pearl Jam, Satan, Sue Storm, The Invisible Girl, The Invisible Woman

Dear DA, No one seems to be able to decide whether I’m hot or not. I mean for a regular person, obviously I’m hot, but for a starlet, I’m kind of average and forgettable. I’m so replaceable I don’t even remind anyone of anyone, like some of the other clones do (like Amy Adams and the Australian version, or whatsherface in Get Out and Amanda Peet). Anyway, what I’m really worried about is Captain Marvel. I think Disney may have overestimated the strength and duration of the SJW trend. Some of them are running around in ski masks now terrorising people, and that kind of look and behavior is difficult to rationalize, even for people who are used to being hypocrites. Meanwhile, Aquaman is blowing up in China. And that girl, Amanda Heard? What the hell? That isn’t even fair, to have women who look like that running around. She’s…
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Divine Advice For Allison Williams

H. Seitz November 19, 2018 0 Divine Advice Allison Williams, Amanda Peet, Amy Adams, Bugs Bunny, Clint Eastwood, Get Out, Isla Fisher, Jenna Fischer, Jesus, Jordan Peele, Kaley Cuoco, Kat Dennings, Lena Dunham, Satan

Dear DA, I’m one of those hot, relatively young, interchangeable actresses in the mold of Amy Adams, Jenna Fischer, and Isla Fisher, except I’m a slightly newer model in the Amanda Peet mold. You may have seen me in Get Out. I play the evil hot white girl. I also play an evil hot white girl in the show Girls, which co-stars Lena Dunham, another evil white girl. The truth about hot white girls, and even ones who are kind of ugly like Lena Dunham, is that we’re all kind of evil. All women are. Anyway, like Amanda Peet, I’m a lean, taut, blue-eyed brunette, and you can kind of tell that I’m evil just by looking at me, which is irresistible to most men. I was perfectly cast in Get Out. If you want to lure black men to their doom and Amanda Peet is out of town, you…
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Tag Archive: Get Out