Tag Archive: CNN

Divine Advice For Rupert Murdoch

G’day Mates! This is embarrassing. Even for an 87 year old man worth over 15 billion dollars, it’s embarrassing. By some bureaucratic blunderpuffin, I didn’t realize I founded Fox News. All these years, I thought I owned CNN. So I’ve been watching CNN for the last 20 some odd years. The reporting is first rate, mate. Or at least second rate. They aren’t deliberately malicious at least. They try. But I thought they could do better, and I sensed a slight liberal slant. So at every quarterly meeting, I’d tell them (or at least I thought it was them) “Great job, mates! But there’s still a bit of a liberal slant. Try to even it out a bit. Now off ya go!” So year after year, I kept telling them this, until I finally got it all sorted about a year ago. A few months after your Donald Trump was…
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Divine Advice For Julia Roberts

Dear Divine Advice, Global Warming or Climate Change or whatever you want to call it (a turd by any other name is still a turd) is obviously a hoax perpetuated by greedy scientists and China to emasculate coal workers and slander oil companies, companies run and staffed by The Great Americans who make modern life possible. You can’t fertilize oats and barley without gasoline, and no oats and barley would mean no beer and no steak. What are you going to feed a cow, solar panels? And what am I supposed to drink, fucking soy milk? This is ridiculous, I shouldn’t even have to ask, but I need you guys to set the record straight for all those anti-American, anti-cow peaceniks out there. Sincerely, Julia Roberts PS: I also hate Mexicans. Dear Julia Roberts, It sounds to me like you’re still bitter about Kiefer Sutherland cheating on you with that…
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