Tag Archive: Bill Cosby

Divine Advice For Ivanka Trump 3

Hi Guys, Do you remember me? The “smart” one? This is purely a hypothetical question, but what exactly is the difference between sedition and treason, and is it true that America still hangs people? Jesus Christ this country is absolutely nuts. Let’s say a certain President’s daughter (probably Tiffany) helped to expedite shady dealings on behalf of her mentally ill husband—I mean father. Would that daughter be better off throwing Tiffany and her father under the bus? And why does everyone like Rachel Maddow more than me? I used to be able to dunk a tennis ball, too. I bet I could still do it now, but for a woman like me who actually has breasts, it just wouldn’t be ladylike. Sincerely, Ivanka Trump President 2024 Dear Ivanka, I don’t know that I’d go so far as to call you the “smart” one, but you do seem to be better…
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Divine Advice For Larry King

Dear DA, I applied to NASA, and do you know what those CIS, heteronormative bastards told me? They told me I was too old, weak, and stupid to be an astronaut. That’s ageist, ableist, and also somehow anti-semitic. All those rumors about Nazis on Mars, I never used to give them much credence, but now I’m not so sure. You want to be an astronaut, it’s just like anything else. You schmooze, smoke cigars with the boys, hang around gin joints yucking it up. It’s all about who you know. Not whether you’re old, weak, or Jewish. Look at Sandy Koufax! (I know, I know, can a Jew go for five minutes without talking about Sandy Koufax?). In his prime, he couldn’t jump over a fire hydrant, but could he have been an astronaut? Probably. He has a 2.93 lifetime ERA. These fakakta astronauts. They want me to piss in…
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