Tag Archive: Bender

Divine Advice For Iranian Drone

Dear DA, Do I get my 72 virgins? I’m not really a military drone, but through my sacrifice, I probably saved thousands (or at least dozens) of lives. I know that technically, I’m supposed to be suiciding myself to kill people, so I don’t know if saving people counts. It seems like it should count even more, like if you know you’re a drain on society like an old Eskimo (or excuse me, Inuit) woman so you just wander off into the tundra to die instead of being a burden on your family. They deserve 72 virgins, too. Maybe I’m writing to the wrong deity, or maybe the right one? Whichever deity is the best as far as giving virgins to drones who save lives instead of taking them, that’s the deity for me. Some sheik ordered me from Amazon to pick up his mail. To be fair, he has…
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