Tag Archive: Batman

Divine Advice For Don Lemon

Dear DA, I’ve taken some heat recently for pointing out that whenever there’s a mass shooting, it’s almost always a crazy white guy who’s responsible. It’s the same with terrorism. You hear about a terrorist attack and you automatically assume that Muslims are involved because 99% of the time, they are. Is it racist to notice? According to SJWs, I’m definitely racist against Muslims, but I can’t be racist against whites. To be racist against whites, I’d have to take a vacation to some country in Africa where black people are in charge. Power + prejudice = racism. It works the same way for Superman. He can be racist against anyone, except for when he’s exposed to kryptonite. This is why Superman always goes off on anti-Semitic rants whenever he’s exposed to kryptonite. He finally has a chance to get it out of his system without technically being a racist.…
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Divine Advice For Anne Hathaway

Dear DA, I have a reputation for being a crazy bitch, but the last 18 years have been stressful for me. Ever since The Princess Diaries was released in 2001, I’ve been working out three hours a day six days a week, and my diet has consisted of nothing but celery, yogurt, and one peanut a month. It’s difficult to be “perky” when you’re living on 400 calories a day and constantly exercising. I was finally getting used to it when I had to wear that catsuit in the Batman movie. They raised me up to four peanuts a week so I could build some muscle mass, but I was almost 30 at that point and it was hard to go back to just one peanut when we were done shooting. Now I’m 35, or as women actors in Hollywood call it, six years past my expiration date. I haven’t…
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Divine Advice For The Batman

I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to come right out and say it. For most of my adult life, I’ve been dressing up as a giant bat at night to go out and fight with clowns. I say clowns plural because, well, clowns are kind of hard to tell apart. This was the whole reason for my no killing rule. The first time I went out, I basically murdered an innocent clown. I’m also color blind, so that doesn’t help at all. Clowns are a lot tougher than they look. A lot tougher. The Joker, the main clown I fight with, started out as a circus clown. I know he has a lot of other origin stories, but trust me, I know. He was just a regular circus clown, and I guess being a circus clown is a pretty lousy job. In addition to being…
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Movie Review- The Shadow

“There is no Shadow. If there were, I’d be Eleanor Roosevelt.” That’s an actual thing Jonathan Winters says while under the influence of the Shadow’s Jedi mind powers. The line was likely improvised by the comedic legend in one of his tiny show-stealing moments of screen time. Russell Mulcahy’s underappreciated 1994 masterpiece The Shadow is one of the best comic book movies of all time. Yes, I know—most people would not agree with that statement. The movie was a huge flop at the box office and has since been all but forgotten. The day was Tuesday, July 5, 1994, and my friends and I were embarking on another one of our “Two-for-Tuesday” adventures. That’s where we would pay to see one movie, then hide in the bathroom afterward for a little while before sneaking back into the theater to see a second movie without paying. It wasn’t what you’d call legal,…
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