Author Archive: RK Galaga

RK Galaga is the author of “Prehistoric Passion From Mars,” “The Erotic Secrets of Shelley Frankenstein,” “Lust Finds a Way,” and “The Erotic Adventures of Paul Bunyan.”

Divine Advice For a Celebrity Stalker

The last time I fell in love, I made a ring out of aluminum foil, introduced myself to the young lass, and handed it to her. The woman’s name was Paris Hilton. She laughed, so I am certain she was joyous. Two men in black strong-armed me out of there, and I am not certain why they wish to bar me from my romance with this fine young lady. I’m worried that my love is being held captive by these guys, and so my next move is to infiltrate her mansion and make love to her by dark of night. However, the fence is electrified, and the invisibility cloak that I received from hogwartsfans.com doesn’t seem to be working. I’m going to have to rob a bank before I can buy a plane ticket to Los Angeles. However, by searching for her on the internet, I discovered Ms. Hilton is…
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Love Cuts Like Broken Glass

     My prematurely white hair notwithstanding, I was now the hunk that I always knew I could be. When you have no job, you have time to spend 5 hours a day at the gym. Looking like a classical Greek sculpture was only a happy side effect of my efforts, though. I needed the practical aspects of my newly acquired strength to scale a glass Manhattan office building.      A window-washer friend owed me a favor. A costume designer friend owned me another favor. When I put these two great tastes together, I got something better than a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. What I had was an idea for a super romantic gesture and the means to pull it off. Why be bitter about Valentine’s Day, when you can use the theme as a premise to win back the one that got away?      Strangely, her boss…
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How To Cook an Eagle

“Uh, eagles are protected by the guvmint,” Craig said with a mouth full of syrup. “You kill one of those, n’ you’ll end up in a federal prison being water-boarded 24-7 until you turn into a fish, or drown.” “No, man, they don’t put you in prison for killin’ eagles.” Phil help his coffee to his lips as he spoke. ‘They keep you submerged up to your neck in a swamp, like in Rambo, until all of the eagle’s powers are sucked out of you by leeches.” “So what yer sayin’ is, the only reason it’s illegal to hunt our national bird is cuz the govmint don’t want every crazy bastard in the country getting super powers from drinking eagle blood?” Camren shrugged. “We, that makes sense actually. It sure would be bad if them super powers fell into the wrong hands”. Craig, Phil and Camren were just about the…
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Movie Review: Tyler Perry’s The Thundercats

We knew there would be a live-action ThunderCats movie eventually. How could there not be? What surprised everyone, however, was just how badly Tyler Perry wanted to make this. Even more surprising is that the only part NOT given to an African-American actor was the part of Panthro, portrayed in the film by Neil Patrick Harris. Perry was not prepared for Harris to steal the show once again as he did in Undercover Brother, but that’s what makes the film so fresh and hip. Casting himself in his Medea persona as Mumm-Ra was a stroke of genius, and no less brilliant was his casting of Martin Lawrence in his Big Mama make-up as Lion-O. As not to let down his die-hard fans, Perry rounds out the rest of the cast with his go-to actors from his other popular films. Janet Jackson is a stunning vision of Cheetara, Lamman Rucker brings…
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Control

I never realized that my unconventional ability could be called a superpower until the day I used it to defend myself. The very large man pinned me against a cold, damp brick wall. The gun in my face kept me from thinking about how my leg was pressed against a filthy garbage can. I didn’t have any money, and I knew this was actually a bad thing if you are being mugged. When they find that their efforts are in vain, muggers tend to get cranky and frustrated and slightly trigger-happy. Thinking I was going to die anyway, I figured the least I could do was see to it that my attacker had a very uncomfortable get-away sprint. For a moment, I forced away the fear and allowed the adrenaline to focus all my energy on his insides. My concentration was dagger-sharp. Immediately, I saw the predator confidence fade from…
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Movie Review: Goonies vs. The Ghostbusters

I’m going to cut to the chase here. Goonies vs. Ghostbusters is probably the best movie I have ever seen in my entire life. Unfortunately, because of contractual disputes, I may be the only person who ever gets to see it. As we were leaving his private screening room, director Sean Astin told me he plans to burn the only copy of the film before Hollywood big wigs can get their mitts on it. He fought hard to keep every brilliant, yet controversial word of Dan Ackroyd’s screenplay, and he was not about to let the studio dumb things down for mainstream audiences. Because this masterpiece will be destroyed before it ever sees the light of day, I can give a detailed account without worrying about spoilers. Let’s start with the cast. On the Goonies side,  Astin returns as Mikey, with Josh Brolin, Ke Huy Quan, Kerry Green, and Martha…
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