Do I Live in a Bad Neighborhood

1. If I need a police officer:

(1) No problem, there’s a cop on every corner

(2) The police show up within 10 minutes

(3) We turn on the Bat Signal

2.

My neighborhood is famous because:

(1) Benjamin Franklin used to drink at the local bar

(2) An NBA player or a rapper grew up here

(3) Derek Jeter used to play baseball here

3.

It’s difficult to sleep sometimes because:

(1) The trains are too loud

(2) I can hear too many airplanes

(3) Too much screaming

4.

The best deal in my neighborhood is:

(1) Unlimited Bloody Marys with brunch on Sunday

(2) The $3 bacon egg and cheese on a roll

(3) 75 cent cans of Coca Cola

5.

On my way home at night, I see:

(1) People jogging

(2) People urinating

(3) Abandoned buildings

6.

Friends visiting me always comment on:

(1) No Starbucks

(2) The graffitti

(3) The feral cats

7. On New Year’s Eve, I hear:

(1) Fireworks in the distance

(2) Loud music

(3) Gunfire

8. I buy groceries at:

(1) Boutique delis

(2) Whole Foods

(3) The 99 cent store

9. My building has:

(1) Too many fruit flies

(2) Too many rats and roaches

(3) Too many mysterious bum puddles

10. The local park has:

(1) A dog park

(2) Benches with strategic armrests to prevent homeless people from sleeping

(3) An abandoned couch

Do I Live in a Bad Neighborhood

H. Seitz

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